Sunday, July 17, 2011

Dead on Arrival

So this is a film based on an Italian comic which I have never read, so I don't know how close it is to the source material.  From what I've read, it's not close, which is probably a good thing, considering I didn't care for the film at all.  Here's why.

First, there's Brandon Routh.  I gave him another chance after Superman Returns, hoping that he would prove that the colossal failure of that film was all Bryan Singer's doing.  Unfortunately, it's not.  Routh is very stiff as Dylan Dog.  He just doesn't seem to have fun in the role, he takes the whole thing gravely, almost wearily and it's not good.  When the lead in your movie, the guy you're supposed to be spending all the time with and rooting for, is wooden and appears that he couldn't care less about what he's doing in the film, that's bad.  His sidekick, who coincidently played Jimmy Olsen in Superman Returns, was pretty bad too.  He was just annoying, really just complaining and harping all the time about being turned into a was just...I wanted him to shut up at one point.  Just shut up and stop your whining.

Then there's the plot.  They're after this artifact, and are competing with a pack of vampires for it.  They investigate where it is and at some point, you're like "how can they follow what's going on?"  It seems to change hands like a hot potato.  When they finally find it, I don't know how it got there or how they knew to look for it there.  It's just...bad.  There's a monster at the end, too.  The monster is supposed to be controlled by its master, but the monster refuses the master's control in one second.  Umm, so if it's supposed to be like a genie (which it is), then how can the monster just say "no, I'm not listening to you?"  You ever hear of a genie doing that?  The way it was defeated too, was just lame.  Just lame as all hell.

The monster's are the other big thing and I didn't even like the design of them!  The werewolves resembled the troll in Ernest Scared Stupid.  The Zombies all looked the same, just cataracts and boils on their skin, here's zombies.  The vampires were the standard Underworld/Twilight look.  Only the monster at the end and this big jacked-up zombie in the middle of the film had any really good designs.

It did have it's moments.  There's a Zombie support group for people who can't get over being zombies.  There's a body part store where zombies go to replace rotting parts.  The vampires were selling their blood as drugs to humans who became addicted to it.  Neat stuff here and there.  Nothing to save the film, however.

Rating: 2 out of 5 stars.

- Stephenstein

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