Saturday, March 31, 2012

50 Most Hated Movies of all Time - #47 - Terminator: Salvation

The first three movies I reviewed, I thought were either okay (Daredevil) or sucked (Supes Returns, Texas Chainsaw remake).  This is the first one I genuinely liked and don't get the anger towards at all.  There's a few arguments about Terminator: Salvation being trash and for the record, I don't really agree with any of them.  Let's delve a little deeper. 

In 1984, The Terminator was released and really helped solidify Arnold Schwarzenegger as a top box-office draw.  Seven years later, the movie almost everyone cites as being the best in the series, T2 was released.  Featuring revolutionary effects, pop-culture moments galore, memorable action pieces and a great plot, this movie was a slicker and less gritty sequel to the original.  Twelve years later, T3 came to theatres and while it was not beloved as #1 and #2, it seems to have gotten pretty much a free pass.  Then, 6 years later, the shortest amount of time we got for a Terminator movie, Salvation hits.  Building on the events in the first three films, we finally got the actual war between the machines and the humans, with everyone's (at least the bandwagon jumpers) favorite Batman, Christian Bale as John Conner.  It had action, an interesting storyline, intensity and effects...much like the other 3 movies. So, why the angst?

I'm guessing one of the reasons is the director.  McG directed the Charlie's Angels movies before T4 and I think just based on his name (he sounds like something you order off the McDonalds menu...yes, I would like a McG!), the fact he made a somewhat brainless pair of action movies revolving around hot women and he just hadn't established himself as a SERIOUS FILMMAKER (or seemed to pretend to want to), that was enough for the elitists to start crying into their soups.  Then there was the infamous blowup on the set of T4 (apparently Christian Bale is sensitive about lighting guys) that was parodied and ridiculed ad nauseum, but all joking aside, it started things on a bad foot, because as soon as something like that comes out, it seems people just don't ridicule the event, they're getting ready to ridicule the whole damned show and to me, that is grossly unfair. 

The the elitists who made the 50 most hated movies of all time would tell you that no one really wanted another Terminator movie and too much time had elapsed between movies for people to care.  For the record, as stated previously, this was the shortest time period between Terminator movies.  Secondly, no one wanted to see another Terminator movie?  How about the television show that lasted 2 years?  Let's also look at the worldwide box office for the movies.

Terminator: $78.371 million
T2: $519.843 million
T3: $433.371 million
Terminator: Salvation: $371.353 million

Keep in mind too, these are profits without 3D adding another $20-40 million in take.  So, yes, even though Terminator Salvation made in the same range as the other far "superior" Terminator movies, no one wanted to see it.  Sure, sure.  What is more explainable is the pompous idiocy that reigns supreme in garbage websites like Total Film that dreamed up this list in the first place, or the same sort of trashy, stupid commentating in sites like JoBlo that promotes this garbage, spouting from personal opinion instead of fact.  The fact is, people still went to see Terminator 4 and would go to see Terminator 5, whenever they make it, so it hardly makes a movie like Terminator: Salvation hated, does it?

Rating: Worth the hate?  Absolutely NOT!

- Stephenstein

Five Deadly Venoms Bluray Review.

Friday, March 30, 2012

Random Song of the Week -- Wrestlemania!!

Wrestlemania XXVIII is 2 days away, baby!! Yeah, I could have posted the latest forgettable "official" Wrestlemania XXVIII song -- but was it written specifically for Wrestlemania? No! Does it have Wrestlers blabbing at you? No! Does it have Mean Gene asking "Who will survive?" in his epic voice? No! So the '93 song wins.

Wrestlemania XXVIII, please be worth my $54.99, even though I can buy you in a few months for $15 less on DVD with extra features...


Thursday, March 29, 2012

Most Hated Movies of all Time # 48 - The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)

What do a beaver, a nun and the Queen of England all have in common? Chances are, Michael Bay has ruined all of their childhoods.  But, while the man who told TMNT fans to "chill" and managed to make the single worst Transformers movie it was possible to make (at least, in my opinion), there has also been a sub-genre of films where he has managed to anger the fans.  Namely, fans of 70's and 80's horror classics.  Starting with this one and including The Amityville Horror (okay, maybe the original wasn't a classic, it seemed pretty boring to me), The Hitcher, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street and oh no, he's also got his mitts on The Monster Squad to remake at a theatre near you, Michael Bay under his Platinum Dunes aegis, has managed to annoy fans of these films with his pointless remakes of them.  However, we're here to talk about one specifically, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the one that started it all.

Now, I did not see the original Texas film, so me comparing it to the original, isn't going to happen.  Everyone seems to agree the  original was and still is, a classic, so that's as far as we're going with that discussion.  However, I do not necessarily agree with this being on the list...not because it shouldn't be hated, but because I don't believe it is hated. 

Here's a number for you: $80, 571.655.  No, this isn't my salary for writing this post, it's actually much lower than that.  This number represents the North American Box Office for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre Remake.  Add in another $26.5 mil overseas (hey, it seems the folks over there realized there was no point to this remake, at least) and you have $107, 071,655 for a film that cost under $10 million to make.  So, quite simply, if this movie is hated, it would not have made this type of box office, Platinum Dunes would not have gone on to remake every frigging horror film made in the 70's/80's, maybe the other yahoos wouldn't have done so either and you're moral outrage would have been quelled.  However, that didn't happen.  This movie was popular enough that they not only made all those remakes, but they made a sequel as well.  So, there you go.

Yeah, the movie wasn't good, in my opinion and whatever the original was, it had to be better than this, but the plain truth is, I don't think this movie is hated because if it was, they wouldn't have done all the remakes and CONTINUE to do all the remakes.  So, despite the fact that true fans of the original probably aren't happy with this watered-down clanker and despite the fact when Platinum Dunes announces another remake, there's a collective series of groans across the 'Net, the fact is, none of this is possible without the first film being the success it was.

Rating: Worth the hate?  Probably, as it never should have been done on a remake, but the fact is, it wasn't, so it probably shouldn't even be on the list.

- Stephenstein

Masters of the Universe kill count

Who doesn't love Master of the Universe? Here's a count of the amount of baddies Dolph Lundgren kills in the 1987 film (which unfortunately discounts the disintegration of that snake dude at the hands of Skeletor). Even though the movie was made for kids, it was the 80's, so the hero had to be a bad-ass beating the crap out of bad guys. It's hilarious to see just how many dudes Dolph mows through in that film. And no shakey-cam.

Dig that Bill Conti Masters theme!


Tuesday, March 27, 2012

50 Most Hated Movies of all Time - #49 - Superman Returns

Yeesh.  Look at him.  He looks sorta right as Superman from this pic, but if you look closer?  Too dark.  The costume is too dark.  Like the Man of Steel's costume, there was a lot wrong with the film.  Maybe it was casting Brandon Routh as Superman (he can be a supporting guy, but can't carry a lead -- I'm convinced of that after Dylan Dog) and Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane (she looked all of 15 in the movie).  Maybe it was the plot.  Maybe it was the story.  Maybe it was the colossal lack of action.  Maybe it was making Superman into a creepy stalker and having his love child with Lois Lane kill someone (that was weird).  Maybe it was the enormous gaps in logic.  You know what?  It was everything. 

Do I honestly believe that was the reason people supposedly "hate" this film?  Look, I'm sure the majority of people who "hate" Superman Returns are not Superman fans.  Yeah, they know who he is, they may have seen one of the Christopher Reeve Superman movies, but they probably didn't collect the comic or anything.  If they did, then you understand why they would hate this movie.  I think this movie is "hated" by the popular set though, because it's so damned boring.  Nothing happens!  Superman doesn't fight anyone!  He spends most of the last act getting his ass kicked and before that, he does what...saves a plane.  Wow!  I've never seen him saving a flying aircraft before, there wasn't a helicopter to save in the first Superman! Lame.  It's all lame, this movie is lame from beginning to end, with nothing to give fans of the character or even non-fans of the character.  It's one of those rare films that sucks for everyone. 

So, do I believe this movie should be hated?  Depends who you are.  To me, if you're a true Superman fan, you should be outraged by this flaming pile of dog doo.  If you're not, well boring movies with nothing happening are the Hollywood du jour, it's not like they crapped on your childhood or anything (unless we're talking about Michael Bay...he basically crapped on everyone's childhood in one form or another), so take it for what it is. 

Rating:  Should this movie be hated?  - If you're a Superman fan, yes!  If not, then probably no, you'll be too bored to care, anyway!

- Stephenstein

Monday, March 26, 2012

50 Most Hated Movies of all Time - #50 - Daredevil

So, a while back, I posted the list of the 50 "most hated" films of all time according to Total Film.  Well, I didn't really say my individual feelings towards each of these films.  J-Man had his JCVD and Gamera Kaiju reviews, Deceptisean has his nostalgic song posts every Friday...I've decided to have this.  So, once every couple of days or so, I'm going to touch on a brief post on my feelings towards the films in this list by the so-called movie website, Total Film (yeah right, Total). 

When I first saw this film, I thought it was okay.  I wasn't dying, but I did like it.  The backlash on this film though, was incredible.  Why all the hate?  Was the film THAT bad?  I mean honestly, what was it that made people dislike this movie so much?  It wasn't like they were life-long Daredevil fans!  Some people didn't even know he was legitimately a comic book character before this movie came out!  So, what the hell?

To me, it all came down to Ben Affleck.  People were tired of seeing him, he could have made the next great film and no one would have have liked it.  Much like a lot going on these days, the people were burned by a product of their own making.  Everyone was going on and on about 'Bennifer' and all that stuff?  No?  Shaking your head violently, with your nose turned up?  B.S.  These guys were everywhere, they were on all the entertainment shows, where they shopped, what they ate, what johns they used when going to the washroom, it was in all the trash magazines, all the internet sites, everywhere.  That kind of supply can't exist without the demand.  So, maybe rightfully so, maybe not, people were tired of Ben when this movie came out.  Never mind it wasn't actually that bad and he was pretty decent in it (and the director's cut was killer -- if that version had screened, no one had any right to piss and moan.  

At the end of the day, not a lot of people seemed to like the film.  However, in my opinion, the hate was against the lead actor (and why hate the guy anyway, wasn't like he came to your house and shot your didn't like him, then change the channel or turn off the television!) and that was it.  The movie was harmless, yes somewhat flawed (thanks Hollywood suits!  Bet you gave this one a standing O when it screened! You jackasses!) , but not worth the hate.  Even hardcore Daredevil fans would have had to admit, at least they got the costume right!

Rating: Worth the hate? -- NO!

- Stephenstein

Friday, March 23, 2012

The Walking Dead Season 2

Random Song of the Week -- Partners in Kryme -- Turtle Power

I though tthis was apt considering the bombshell Michael Bay laid on not only the fan community but mainstream culture this week by announcing that the Turtles would be vastly different in the next movie. Created for the first live-action TMNT movie, Turtle Power reminds us of what the Turtles were: the biggest damn franchise going. Folks like me at the time this video was introduced were clamoring to see how the Turtles and Splinter looked in live action. And Casey Jones? I didn't expect him to be in the movie, and he looked awesome! I love this rap, done at a time when rap was trying to make a mainstream impact. There might be some mistakes, but I love that Partners in Cryme made the effort to try to actually incorporate the characters and concept of TMNT into the song. It's a little slow, but at least you can understand the lyrics. I can't say the same for all of the mumble-mouthed "rap artists" of today.



T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

On the half shell, they're the heroes four.

In this day and age, who could ask for more?

The crime wave is high with muggings mysterious.

All police and detectives are furious,

'Cause they can't find the source,

Of this lethally evil force.

This is serious, so give me a quarter.

I was a witness, get me a reporter!

Call April O'Neil in on this case, and

You'd better hurry up, there's no time to waste!

We need help, like quick, on the double.

Have pity on the city; man, it's in trouble!

We need heroes like the Lone Ranger

When Tonto came pronto, when there was danger.

They didn't say we'd be there in half an hour,

'Cause they displayed...Turtle Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

Now our ace reporter was hot on the trail.

Determined to put these crooks in jail.

She spied the bad guys and saw what happened,

But before she knew it, she fell in a trap and got caught.

Yeah, she was all alone.

With no friends, and no phone.

Now this was beyond her worst dreams,

'Cause she was cornered by some wayward teens.

Headed by Shredder they were anything but good.

Misguided, unloved, they called them The Foot.

They could terrorize and be angry youths, and

They mugged the people; who needed proof?

Then from out of the dark came an awesome sound!

Shouted "Cowabunga!" as they hit the ground.

From the field of weeds the heroes rescued the flower

'Cause they possessed...Turtle Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles POWER

When you stand for what you believe in,

And find the strength to do what's right?


Heroes on the half shell, they're on a mission.

When there's a battle got the enemy wishin'

That they stayed at home, instead of fightin'

These ninja masters with moves like lightnin'.

They were once normal, but now they're mutants.

Splinter's the teacher so they are the students.

Leonardo, Michelangelo, and Donatello,

Make up the team and one other fellow

Raphael. He's the leader of the group

Transformed from the norm by the nuclear goop.

Pizza's the food that's sure to please,

These ninjas are into pepperoni and cheese.

Back to the story, it's not hard to find,

Ninja's not just of the body but of the mind.

Those were the words that their master instructed,

But a letter from Shredder has Splinter abducted.

That was the last straw: spring into action.

Step on The Foot, now they're gonna lose traction.

Now this is for real, so you fight for justice,

Your shell is hard so you shout, "They can't dust us off!

Like some old coffee table."

Since you been born you've been willing and able

To defeat the sneak, protect the weak,

Fight for rights and your freedom to speak.

Now the villain is chillin' so you make a stand.

Back to the wall, put your sword in your hand.

Remember the words of your teacher, your master:

"Evil moves fast, but good moves faster!"

Than light, shining for your illumination:

Good versus Evil equals confrontation

So when you're in trouble don't give in and go sour,

Try to rely on YOUR...Turtle Power

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Power

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Power!

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Ellis Jacob, WWE, One World and Dark Knight

I have a few topics on this post, so instead of writing 3 smaller posts, I'll write 1 bigger post.  So, before I start in, let me just say that I will NOT be writing Ellis Jacob, if for no other reason, then because I can't find the man's contact info.  Which actually makes sense because, who would wants schmucks like me writing them?  He's a big wig suit, me no have time for little people! I don't want the customer service department to write to either, "hi pimply 17 year-old girl who just started 3 weeks ago, may I please speak to your boss' boss' boss' boss' boss' boss' boss' boss' boss?"  Yeah, I'm sure that would go great.  That's okay though, J-Man has already Youtubed a video stating how much the theatre experience sucks and I'm quite sure I'll be doing my own thing when I have a chance.

WWE -- now Deceptisean did a very nice piece based on my piece (thanks too for the compliment, Deceptisean), so I feel it prudent to throw another cent into the ring.  No, I'm not going to say Deceptisean is wrong.  He's right!  You know what wrestling promos are these days?  It's the equivalent of arguing who left the toilet seat up.  Wrestler 1 comes out and complains how many times Wrestler 2 left the toilet seat up.  Wrestler 2 marches out and says that he doesn't leave the toilet seat up, Wrestler 1 leaves the toilet seat up.  Then they stare at one another for ten seconds, before Wrestler 1 departs, staring down Wrestler 2 and saying all these nasty things he's going to do to the guy.  Problem is, they won't fight until the pay-per-view.  Oh, I'm sure they'll have quick 3 minute tag matches with the inept jobber or Diva of your choice as their partners, but nothing meaningful will happen until the pay-per-view and even then, who knows?  But is definitely watered down.  Being a mike guy is nice, but eventually, when all you do is talk and talk and talk, it gets boring.

Survivor -- have to comment on this.  You know, much like you can count on a celebrity naming their new baby boy or girl something stupid (like Bjemdodaddigse, the German word for "ass lint"), there's always a "villain" on Survivor.  In this show, we have at least 2 villains, in Colton and Alicia.  Now, J-Man is right, this is a game, this should be treated like a game.  If someone is kicking my ass at Monopoly, I'm not going to throw a hissy fit and never speak to them again.  By the same token though, if I'm sitting down at a game, especially a game I'm playing with people I barely know, I'm probably not going to be too accepting to someone telling me I might as well fall into the fire and be medivac'ed out.  In fact, if someone I barely know says that to me on Survivor and then giggles, I will probably wait until their asleep, drag them out to the shore, bury them up to their necks and wait for the high tide to come in.  So, when Colton dropped to the ground and complained about abdominal pain, if I was Christina, there's no way I'm going to get help.  Maybe I'd give him a leg drop or two, maybe I'd do a Stone Cold and stop a mud hole in his ass and walk it dry, but there is no way in hell I'm going for help.  As for Alicia, the only thing faker than her boobs is her personality, she's a Special Ed teacher for crying out loud!  Is this how she treats those Special Needs kids?  "Do what I say retard or I'll punch you in the face?"  Really?  I would call her out on that and the minute she waved her finger in my face, I'd snap it off and shove it up her ass. 

Dark Knight -- so, I read on JoBlo that the test screening of Dark Knight Rises got a standing ovation.  Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, keep your pants on.  Before you get excited, the standing ovation was made by "Warner Bros. executives".  Okay, I'm going to try and write this without laughing too hard.  It was by...Warner Bros. executives.  To the best of my knowledge, the only thing those asswipes would give a standing O to is the record amount of product placement in the movie!  The execs?  Who gives a flying you know what about their opinion?  They probably gave Superman Returns the big thumbs up as well!  Really?  Now, I'm not saying Dark Knight Rises won't be a good movie.  All I'm saying is, these jackasses at JoBlo, they want Dark Knight Rises to be good and they'll get the opinion of anyone, ANYONE to validate their own opinion, never mind the reliability or the quality of the opinion.  Case in point:

JOBLO Jerkoff: "Excuse me Mr. Drunken Inbred Homeless Hillbilly that sits out in front of our tenement, I mean office, can you please tell me your opinion on the upcoming Dark Knight Rises?"
Drunken Inbred Homeless Hillbilly [mumbling incoherently] Something that sounds like "I slept with your mother last night". 
JOBLO Jerkoff: Really, you think it was that awesome!  Great!  I'll write a column right away, as soon as I look in a dictionary for all those words with more than one syllable!

So, take all the hype with a pinch of salt, or maybe a truckload of salt.  They'll tell you it all sounds great and it does all sound great, but until the credits roll and we're chased out of the theatre halfway through them, it's all going to be speculation at best.

- Stephenstein


Wednesday, March 21, 2012

MAD MAX - Fury Road.

WWE: How Rock vs. Cena highlights wrestling's downfall

First, I'd just like to say that there seems to be a lot to hype about right now if you're a hopeless geek. Sure, I'm livid at how Michael Bay is needlessly mauling TMNT. Yeah, movie theatres continue to plunge the entire movie industry down into oblivion. But after reading Stevenstein's thoughtful ode to Cena, I thought I'd plunge into the whole Rock vs. Cena event at Wrestlemania 28 (oh, I'm sorry, XXVIII -- what was I thinking?). Watching wrestling after a little bit of a hiatus, I'm a little shocked at what I'm seeing. First, take a look at the below clip (if you can stay awake long enough ...)

Phew, are you done? That must be the most boring promo I've ever seen! First of all, the entire clip is a whopping 15 minutes. So, that's 15 minutes where fans tuning into RAW don't see any actual wrestling.

Secondly, Cena talks about the Rock for a little over 6 minutes. Rock comes out, and he talks in even more monotone for another 5 minutes, then Cena does some bit about how Rock reads stuff off his arm, then the commentators do their level best to try and hype you about what you just saw. Now, I hate to be "that old guy", but when I was a kid I don't remember Hulk Hogan standing in a ring by himself talking in monotone about how he hates Ted DiBiasi. They did a minute long promo max with Mean Gene, followed by quick commentary from the colour commentators, and on with the show. What the hell happened to wrestling? Why must the entire show grind to a screeching halt as two doofs talk at a slow pace about how they dislike each other? Since when was this an entertaining and effective way to promote a rivalry to sell a pay-per-view match??

Third, Cena and Rock talking to each other is the best hype they can come up with to pump up this "rivalry"? All I see is two whiny bitches, essentially two grown men in their t-shirts and speedos flapping their jaws in a ring. This is a rivalry? I remember an episode of Raw back in the 90's that ended with Rock throwing Stone Cold off a bridge, then celebrating Stone Cold's death at the beginning of the next week's RAW. Now that's a rivalry. Hell I remember Earthquake giving Hogan seven "earthquakes" (a move where Earthquake, a giant fat dude, beat someone till they fell, then jumped on them landing his butt on their torso) and supposedly breaking Hogan's ribs, pumping up a match between those two. Heck, Rick Martel sprayed Jake the Snake Roberts and supposedly blinded him, setting up that confrontation. And all done without 15 minute talking sessions -- just quick action that had impact on the viewer and got the message across effectively. Oh, but look out -- Cena just interupted the Rock while he was trying to talk. Oh boy! All this looks like is two grown men acting like catty high school girls. Cena says something bad about Rock, Rock insults Cena back, Cena retaliates by making fun of Rock, and so on. But ... they're grown, muscled up men! Where the hell is the agression?? This is not Digrassi High, this is WWE. This is not World Talking Entertainment, this is World Wrestling Entertainment! They have to beat each other up! Someone has to get injured and work toward a speedy recovery and redemption at the WrestleMania match. Or something interesting at least!! I don't care about "mic work" anymore. Something cool has to happen. Someone has to beat the crap out of someone. None of this "Who's going to insult who" crap. And if you listen to wrestling fans, all of this talking crap has turned fans into girly high school chatty cathy bitches! And these are men! You hear guys rating insults, sizing up come backs -- what the hell? Nothing about "Did you see Rock elbow Cena in the face?? Damn!!! The officials ran in and held them back, but I wanna see them fight!" or "Man, Rock came in to help out CM Punk, but Cena ran in, picked up Rock and slammed him into the pavement!! Eff, that was frickin awesome!!! That match is gonna be insane!" No. It's "You can tell Rock was trying to think of something else to say, but Cena was too quick." Um . . . What. The. Hell. Is THAT!!?? It's not their fault, mind you. They watch wrestling and this is all they're being given to talk about. But it makes me long for the good ol' days where wrestlers fought each other, or offended each other through some sort of physical means, like Roddy Piper breaking a real coconut over Superfly Snuka's head, knocking him unconcious. I mean, does WWE really think they can compete against MMA with two guys talking to each other??

Anyhow...yeah, I'll still watch WrestleMania XXVIII. I have no will power.

So, I guess Vince McMahon wins...the bastard.


Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are really ALIENS????

Cena sucks?

Whaaaaaat?  A wrestling post?  Is the bottom of the barrel being scraped?  Lemme see [checking out the barrel].  Nope.  Not yet.  However, there is an event coming up on April 1st.  No, I'm not talking of the upcoming nuptials between John Smith and Mary Jones.  Though, you may have been invited to that, I dunno.  I know MY invite was lost in the mail.  What I'm talking about Wrestlemania XXXVIII (or 28), which features a main event of John Cena versus the Rock.  To me, this actually seems like a bad idea.  Why?  Let me tell you...

Okay, the Rock is undeniably one of the most popular performers in the WWE.  Several people point to his leaving the WWE as a turning point downward in the WWE product (a fact that is partially true, but has as much to do with Steve Austin and Mick Foley's departures as Rocky going Hollywood), but he has charisma, he's a big ripped dude, he's good on the mic, he's funny and he knows how to showcase his spots.  What he isn't is a full-time performer, at least not anymore and herein lies the dilemma. 

Now let's take a look at one John Felix Anthony Cena (yes, one of his middle names is Felix and no, I did not name him).  He is arguably the top face and the top attraction in the WWE right now (CM Punk is up there). Deceptisean has always maintained that the reason people hate John Cena is because he has been foisted on us without us really wanting him foisted on us, event after event, year after year.  That is partially right, but what really constitutes the unabashed hatred for the average unwashed wrestling fan for John Cena?  Let's take a closer look.

Back in the 90's, there was the 'Attitude' era in WWE.  What it meant was that wrestling plotlines were more "edgier" and risque, Divas wore next to nothing and were involved in embarrassing displays of physicality known as "pillow fights", the language was more cruder, as were the innuendos, double entendres, etc.  In this era, performers like the Rock, D-X, Stone Cold, etc, etc. all rose to mega-stardom.  Then the WWE decided to go PG (coincidentally, this is when Linda McMahon started running for political office.  Yes, there is a correlation, here).  To put in bluntly, WWE went the opposite direction its audience was going.  I'm talking about the mouthy, pimply, 15-24 year old demographic who jam up the internet with their useless drivel and basically make life more annoying in general for the rest of us.  These are the guys who hate John Cena.  These are the guys who chant Cena sucks at events and buy the Cena Sucks t-shirt.  These are the ones who flood message boards extolling how they hate Cena's persona and wish he would turn heel.  Why the hate?

Simple.  Clean cut is no longer in.  You have to be "anti-hero".  You have to be cool and insulting and anti-authority and apathetic to those around you.  Milk-swigging, vitamin eating, prayer giving, vegetable munching faces are no longer in style.  They want guys who are borderline heels, but they fight other heels, instead.  John Cena is a throwback, a guy from another era, when the wrestlers tried to portray a working your ass off persona, of a guy who sacrificed it all just to entertain and please the fans.  The problem is, the most vocal of the fans hate Cena.  They boo him, even in his hometown of Boston.  So, why is Rock versus Cena a bad idea?

Because Cena can't win.  If he gets beaten by the Rock, everyone will be like there you go, he'll never be as good as the yesteryear.  Never mind if it's right or not, the WWE has to keep trying to push that the product they have now is just as good if not better than the past.  The performers are bigger, faster and better.  If Cena falls to the Rock, then all his detractors will be proven right, he doesn't deserve his spot as the top face. Oh, but if he wins, though.  That legion of fans who hate Cena will be all over the WWE.  How could you let that chump beat the Rock! they'll scream.  It will be just another example of the WWE pushing Cena over superior guys undeservedly.  As far as I'm concerned, it's a no-win situation. 

So, why write this article?  Because, I actually like John Cena.  The performer and the man.  Listen, I've read more than one account that Cena is one of the nicest guys in the history of professional wrestling.  In the HISTORY of professional wrestling.  He takes the time to talk to everyone, from the jobbers to the caterers. He expresses constantly how lucky he is to be in the WWE in interviews.  No one has made more 'Make-A-Wish Foundation' appearances than John Cena.  The guy is hated and the worse part is, there really is no reason to hate the guy, he has just been set up to be hated because we're a stupid, twisted, perverse society, more interested in our own self-centered greed and shallow problems then what's right.  John Cena worked his ass off to get to the spot he's in and his reward is a chorus of boos every single night he performs, regardless of his message of 'Rise Above Hate' and 'Honor, Loyalty, Hustle'.  He's rewarded by the phrase 'Cena Sucks' being emblazoned on a t-shirt that his own company sells.  He's rewarded by being the target of ridicule and derision on the internet. 

Cena doesn't suck.  The fans suck.  The WWE sucks.  The entire world sucks.

- Stephenstein

Monday, March 19, 2012

Of Mars

3D. IMAX 3D. Opening day. Back row. Pixar's first live action film. The annoying family in front of me.  Yes, Helium is the name of the gas in a balloon...and also the name of a city on Mars in this movie. Shut up! Put your cell phones down! This is John Carter...this is my review.

Okay, so let me start out by saying that I did not read the John Carter books.  I did not even know that there were John Carter books when the trailer came out.  I had heard of Edgar Rice Burroughs, who wrote John Carter...but I knew him more as the Tarzan writer.  The point? I know nothing about the character prior to the movie...other than he was a Civil War guy...and he was on Mars.  That's it.  So, whilst J-Man could speak to you from a position of knowledge about the literary history of the writer, I speak to you from a position of total and complete ignorance.  I am a newbie.  So, if you did not read the book prior to the movie coming out, I guess my position is the most familiar to you.

So, what did I think!  It was damned good!  I know that the critics are kinda whishy-washy on this one.  Something about inconsistent characterizations and confusing plot elements or some hogwash like that.   Take in mind, when you read these reviews from these yahoos, they are probably sitting there watching Pulp Fiction for the umpteenth time.  They're already sniffing that the movie coming out called Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter looks "implausible."  Abraham Lincoln never fought vampires!, they cry.  That's right, critics are as dumb as you think and twice as ugly.  No...Lincoln didn't fight vampires!  Wilkes Booth wasn't a vampire?  That's not what my textbooks said!

Anyhow, I'm going off topic.  I feel a rant coming on.  I must let it slide for another day (be prepared for a future post of mine titled: "Why critics are scum-sucking vermin who are not worth a fart in a wind from a geriatric wino...and the women who love them") and focus on the matter at hand.  John Carter.  The movie is a pure and unadulterated spectacle.  It is visual eye-candy.  You spend the majority of the movie on Mars and whatever you think of Mars geography, blearly red-hued backgrounds, this movie isn't it.  Mars is beautiful and spectacular.  There are aliens.  There is a bad guy.  There is a love interest in scanty clothing.  There is Mark Strong.  Mark Strong is in every movie these is Cirian Hinds and James Purefoy, who played Solomon Kane in the movie that will never be released called "Solomon Kane".  There are epic battles.  There are cool weapons.  There is a plot that involves the fate of Mars.  What more do you want?

But is the movie perfect?  Not for me.  Being  a newbie and you can argue this point with me quite successfully, there are all sorts of strange names and places and words that it's going to take you a few minutes to get wind of.  Is that the fault of the story or my own ignorance?  You be the judge.  I'm not going to say that it's the movie's fault, but when you have a genre like this (and I also take aim at the Lord of the Rings trilogy for this), you can't toss a whole bunch of strange-sounding places, names and words at the audience without them saying "Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, maybe I should have read the books before I showed up, sure...but if I didn't, then it's going to take more some time to catch on?"  That's how I felt at points, which is not to say I was confused or didn't understand what was going on, but I like to appreciate the finer details in movie plots sometimes and all I'm saying is you through in your own made-up language and you don't throw me a dictionary, it can get a little lost in translation. 

Also, the bald bad guys, who are legends on Mars.  Think of the Iago's of the story, the guys who truly run the show through manipulation and the like.  In the movie, they're explained to be immortal?  However, didn't one immortal get shot and killed on Earth at the end?  Or did he possess a guy?  Did I miss something?  Whose hand is that on my knee?  Truly, I may have missed something, it wouldn't be the first time (Cowboys and Aliens), so it's not a big point, but if I didn't miss something, then that's a bit of a contradiction?  Maybe I missed the point with the frigging family whispering to each other every ten minutes in front of me, or perhaps I was distracted by the glare of the cellphones, held up in unison every so often.  See, a movie like this, a movie where you have to pay attention, is somewhat spoiled when the entire audience with the exception of myself and the people who came in the door with me refuse to pay attention.  After all, it's just a stupid fantasy movie, we don't really have to pay attention all the time, right?

See, that's the real problem.  People don't take stuff like this seriously.  They think they're just going to watch some big stupid epic fantasy movie that they'll forget seeing within 3 hours of going home.  At a price of $18 per pop, not counting concession prices, that's a tad expensive way of frittering away a couple of unmemorable hours.  You could spend your time on the toilet for free and have the same experience, if that's what you're going for.  

So, go and see John Carter on the big screen, so you can enjoy the great visuals, the fantastic cinematography and the spectacle of it all.  Just ask the family of four in front of you to shut their trap, lest you miss one alien word.  It really could make all the difference in the world -- this one, or the big red one in the sky.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars.

- Stephenstein

Friday, March 16, 2012

Random Song of the Week -- Merry Marvel Marching Society (1965)

In 1964, Marvel released teaser marketing saying “The M.M.M.S. wants you!” on the covers of their comics with Thing pointing a la the Uncle Sam recruiting posters of WWII. In 1965, the mystery of the M.M.M.S. was revealed: Marvel unveiled their very first official fan club – the Merry Marvel Marching Society. For $1, you got a kit that included:

• welcoming letter
• membership card
• one-sided, 33⅓ rpm record, "The Voices of Marvel"
• scratch pad
• sticker
• pinback button
• certificate

Today, a complete set of this kit fetches thousands of dollars. The record “The Voices of Marvel” itself is an amazing piece of kitch art that featured a “tour” of the Marvel studios at the time and includes the voices of Stan Lee (of course), Jack Kirby, a mention of reclusive Steve Ditko (he never does interviews) and all the authors, artists and even the secretary! It all ends with the song posted up top. The record is really fun and shows the easy-going, fun-loving personality of Marvel compared to their primary competition DC comics. Marvel has certainly come a long way since those halycon days of yore.

You can listen to the record here.


Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Sunday, March 11, 2012



J-Man here. I thought I would do a video review for this one - let me know what you think!

Friday, March 9, 2012

Random Song of the Week -- Kid Icarus theme (piano)

I love stuff like this. The above is a piano rendition of the theme from the NES classic Kid Icarus. Back in those days, video game music experienced a golden age with memorable, iconic tunes coming from CastleVania, The Legend of Zelda, Bubble Bobble, and of course, Super Mario Bros. But the music was always in "blips" and "bloops", which was all the technology at the time could muster. So, I love when someone reverse-engineers one of those classic tunes -- all of those songs must have started on an actual instrument, most likely a piano. playing these songs on an instrument really brings out the beauty of these tunes and makes you realize that there is true art value in the old 8-bit video games.

Below is the original tune on the old Japanese Famicom system.


Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Top 50 Most Hated Films of All Time

A few days ago, someone on Total Film provided the "master list" of the 50 Most Hated Films of All Time.  Before I continue, here is the list:

  1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
  2. Star Wars Episode I - The Phantom Menace
  3. Forrest Gump
  4. Twilight
  5. Psycho (1998)
  6. Batman and Robin
  7. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
  8. Titanic
  9. House of the Dead
  10. Die Another Day
  11. The Last Airbender
  12. The Happening
  13. Lady in the Water
  14. Avatar
  15. Catwoman
  16. Hulk (2003)
  17. Love Actually
  18. Highlander 2: The Quickening
  19. Aliens Vs. Predator
  20. X-Men: The Last Stand
  21. The Wicker Man (2006)
  22. Battlefield Earth
  23. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
  24. Pearl Harbor
  25. The Avengers
  26. Planet of the Apes (2001)
  27. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
  28. Sex and the City 2
  29. Spider-Man 3
  30. Alien Resurrection
  31. Sucker Punch
  32. Crash (2005)
  33. The Spirit
  34. Van Helsing
  35. Godzilla
  36. The Matrix Reloaded / The Matrix Revolutions
  37. A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
  38. Clash of the Titans (2010)
  39. Epic Movie
  40. Swept Away
  41. Constantine
  42. Jersey Girl
  43. Resident Evil
  44. Fantastic Four
  45. Halloween (2007)
  46. Exorcist II: The Heretic
  47. Terminator: Salvation
  48. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
  49. Superman Returns
  50. Daredevil
Okay, now that you've digested the list, let me give you four major problems I have with it and it actually has nothing to do with my personal opinion of the quality of movies on this list.

1. If the writer had called this list "The 50 Movies I hate the Most of All Time", this blog entry doesn't exist. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, even if I don't agree with them. However, as this is a 'master list' (as the pompous ass on JoBlo called it), well, let me just say this is the sort of arrogant b.s. that is ruining the film industry these days. The 3 major factors for ruining movies of today? 1) stupid corporate execs who don't know jack about movies, but meddle in them anyway, 2) stupid fanboys who want everyone to like what they like that's considered geeky, no matter how much the adaptation spits and disrespects the original and 3) stupid, pompous, elitist, arrogant, stuck-up jackasses like the putz who dreamed up this list. I knew people in film class in university who sounded like this wretch. Let me just say, I value my Father's opinion, who never even went to university but loves movies, over this asswipes like this schmuck.

2. For a film to be "hated" to me, it must be offensive in some way.  Offensive as in racist like Birth of a Nation or degrading to women in American Pie.  Offensive against the original source material, like Transformers. Offensive in its total disregard of the fans, like Superman Returns (okay, that's on the list). However, I find it hard to believeHowever, I find it hard to believe that some of these films are hated.  Forrest Gump?  Titanic?  Avatar?  Love Actually?????  Really? Who hates these movies?  Sure, you may or may not like some of them, you can argue that some of the films are overrated, but hated???? REALLY?  To hate these movies, you must hate film in general, because there is no reason to hate these movies.  They don't do anything?  They don't rape and murder and rob from the poor.  They're just movies?  Either you like them or not, but hate?

3. Look at the list again. Do you notice?  With the exception of The Exorcist 2 and Highlander 2, there are no movies made before the early-mid nineties on his list.  So what, people hated movies only occasionally before the mid-nineties?  Where's the older stuff that people supposedly hate?  Heaven's Gate?  Ishtar? The Cotton Club?  Where are those movies?  Movies became hated if made after 1994?  What is this? Or how about this: this is the list of someone with limited movie knowledge who is only using elitist, populist opinions because they truly have no opinion of their own. 4. The writer of the list used various reviews to back up his/her claims.  Some were off "legitimate" film critics (I use quotes because it's off Rotten Tomatoes who considers anyone with a keyboard and an opinion to be a critic), but also You Tube comments and off other websites.  This just smacks of a desperate person looking to push their own agenda.  I can just easily find 1 good review for all of these movies or comments (just 1!) and make my own list called the '50 Most Loved Movies of All Time' and make just as good an argument as this crap-for-brains that everyone loves these movies on this list.  So, you know what the list proves, actually?  Nothing, other than the contributors on movie sites are a bunch of assclowns. 

 So, this is the end of my rant.  If you feel that any of these movies deserve absolute hatred, by all means, leave a comment and tell me why these movies are the most hated (of all time...I can't believe it).  Just be warned, as much as I may agree the movies may suck (or not), it takes a really repulsive movie, to make me use the word HATE.

- Stephenstein

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Stop Motion TMNT

I saw this and I just had to post it. Too awesome.


Saturday, March 3, 2012

Gone, Baby -- Gone

So, I know J-Man has already reviewed Gone, but I've decided I'm going to post a lot more reviews this year as well.  I mean, my posts can't be strictly rants all the time, can they?  Though don't be surprised if my reviews end up being rants, but hey...what are you going to do?

So, went and saw Gone this week, not a movie I was particularly dying to see.  However, it had Amanda Seyfried in it, who is easy on the eyes.  Well, she's more than easy on the eyes, now.  She actually carries the movie and I gotta say, this young lady deserves some credit for her movies.  Now, before I begin, let me say I did a little research of Amanda Seyfried on Rotten Tomatoes, where critics go to throw out their proverbial chests and prove over and over again that if there's a war, they should be the first ones thrown into the front of the line, without any weapons to defend themselves.  They should be given the flags like those guys you see in old movies, y'know, the ones who get shot first because they have A FLAG to defend themselves with and not a gun.  Anyhow Rotten Tomatoes has shown that over Amanda Seyfried's career, she has only been in 2, count'em 2 movies rated "fresh" -- Mean Girls and some movie called Nine Lives that made 10 cents at the box office.

Now...really?  I mean, I wasn't a big fan of Mamma Mia, Jennifer's Body looked kinda eh, Dear John looked like drivel, Letters to Juliet WAS drivel, and Red Riding Hood looked meh.  However, Chloe looked somewhat interesting and In Time was actually pretty damned good.  Oh, and the lowest rated movie of her career?


Wow.  Look, it didn't look like any hell in the trailers, but when I saw this movie the theatre and gave it a chance, you know what?  It's pretty good!  Yes, it's a genre flick and it's not going to be innovative, the concept is not new and it's not going to win any Oscars, probably.  However, not every film is meant to be best picture, which I think is a point everyone misses.  Gone may be a genre flick, but it's probably one of the best of its genre.  The reason is a) Amanda Seyfried has real screen presence and b) they're smart by playing on the character's strength instead of weakness.  Most movies like this, the main character flails from one situation to the other, reacting to events around her rather than being the driving force of the plot.  Amanda Seyfried's character in this is no victim, which you may think from the trailers...she is a tough-as-nails, take no prisoners girl who stays one step ahead of the police while following the trail of clues logically to the climax.

I also like that the bad guy in this movie was just a guy.  Not a main character in the movie, not someone close to her who is secretly behind it, it's just a guy.  I remember a movie called January Man, at the end, they find the serial killer and Harvey Keitel says "who is he" and Kevin Kline says "nobody. That's the problem.  He's just a guy."  I like that.  I like that "it's just a guy, just some normal everyday guy who kidnaps and kills girls because."  There's too many movies where you have to go into some deep psychological hole in order to understand the motives of the killer, because I guess we feel if we have a handle on the killer, we have some control over them.  It's better if it's just a guy killing and you don't know why -- that's true horror because you don't understand the motivations, it makes things a lot less predictable. 

So in the end, this was a pretty good movie, as J-Man said.  I will definitely be picking this one up on DVD and if you don't want to pay full price to see it, then fine, but check it out through home video, because if you don't, you'll be missing out. 

Rating: 3.5 out of 5.

- Stephenstein

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Daydream Believer.

Davy Jones of the musical band The Monkees, died yesterday.

Growing up I loved the Monkees. I used to watch their show all the time and even remember a lot of funny moments. Like when they were lost in the woods and kept passing by the same rock, they were like “Hey, we are going in circles. We have passed this rock and tree before.” And then one of them says “No, no, you see the set isn’t big enough, so we have to reuse the same rock and tree to make the forest seem bigger.” I was stunned. That was the first time I ever heard someone break the fourth wall.

The show was hilarious and brilliant. A show about a band, but the band was real. So you could see them on TV and then watch them perform. I remember we used to pretend to be the Monkees back in the day. I was Mike, my friend Vic was Peter, my buddy Danny was Mikey, and Johnny was Davy. We used to run around pretending to cause trouble.

But the Monkees weren’t just a hit with us, they were huge! One album even surpassed the Beatles, which was unheard of.

After the show ended the Monkees toured a bit and eventually Mike Nesmith left the band and I never saw them again until the spoof comedy movie version of The Brady Bunch, where Davy, playing himself, sings a song to Marsha. It is probably my favorite scene in the film and the song he sings “Girl” is mixed with some rock music and the blend really worked and for a moment I forgot I was watching a spoof movie! The rest of the Monkees (minus Mike) appear in the end of the movie as judges in the talent show.

All in all, I loved the Monkees. Their music is still in my car and I just recently made a new CD with some of the lesser known songs. I have memorized most of their hits and they are one of my favorite bands to sing to (when I am alone of course!).

Farewell to Davy Jones. He was a good natured guy who played a part in my childhood and still lives on in his music today.


Good Gone.


So the circumstances surrounding the reason I saw this movie are too long to explain here, but it was basically a fluke, so instead of explaining it, I’ll get to business.

So let’s recap: I don’t really know Amanda Seyfried. I know she was in Mean Girls, which was a poor man’s Heathers, and she was in the movie In Time, which I really liked and I liked her in it. But I never saw Riding Hood, which looked kind of goofy. So her star power wasn’t a big factor in seeing this.

So I go in and about 15 minutes into the movie I was thinking, “This is pretty darn good!” The reason was that they didn’t show her get kidnapped, they just started the movie a year or so after she escaped. The film opens with her walking around doing everyday stuff and how she is afraid of everything. Someone in a hoodie walks by her in the street and she is nervous. She takes self defense courses, and carries a gun with her. I liked that they showed this stuff. Normally in movies the girl escapes her kidnapper, and then it’s all good, but that’s not how it is.

So the plot continues and if you saw the trailer you know that her sister is kidnapped, and no one believes her. The reason no one does is that they never found any trace of the kidnapper or any of his other victims. The cops and psychiatrists think Amanda made him up! And they believe that her sister is just out partying or something. Cops never get it in these movies!

In any case, Amanda starts to look for her sister and surprise surprise you can actually FOLLOW her logic and thinking. I know this is a “duh” but in most movies the characters end up in places and I say to myself, “how did they know to go there” etc. But not in this movie. The clues are laid out and you can follow them. Throughout the movie you learn more about her kidnapping and how she escaped, and the movie provides PLENTY of red herrings and it’s always interesting.

All in all, this was a damn good movie I must say! I think Amanda has a good career ahead and she carried the movie on her own and did a fine job!

Simple suspense film with a good mystery and clues you could follow all add up to a nice movie-going experience and I will buying this on bluray!

Good job all.