Men in Black...III

So, they made another Men in Black movie.  It's actually a little surprising to me, considering that it had been 10 years since MIB II and if memory serves, it wasn't really all that well received. At least by me. I didn't care for #2...it seemed the story really wasn't that great and it wasn't as much fun as the first one.  Actually, I can remember nothing about #2, other than J went to find K who was working at the post office with a bunch of aliens...I don't remember the main villain or anything.  Needless to say, didn't even see it in the theatre which is dry, considering Men in Black 1 was one of my first DVD's.  So, I went to see this one and you know what?


It actually was pretty good!  I don't think it was as good as the first one for sure, that movie is just so much fun, it's ridiculous. However, this one is pretty good, nevertheless.  There's a ton of aliens again and there's a lot of humour as well, I think the humour fell sort of flat in MIB 2, but it really works on this one.  I find that Smith and Jones are pretty good foils for one another and the fact that Tommy Lee Jones plays everything dead straight no matter how ridiculous the situation is just awesome.  His eulogy for Zedd is great!


I was a little nervous about him going back in time because you would lost the whole Smith/Jones dynamic and it's true, I don't think Brolin and Smith are as good together as Smith and Jones, but then again, Jones' face is impossible to duplicate.  I will say this for Brolin though, his impression of Tommy Lee Jones is scary and I mean SCARY good.  When he was talking, if you closed your eyes, you would think it was Tommy Lee Jones speaking.  It's that insane.  


The storyline is okay, the main villain is actually really memorable (the wildman Kieran from Dinner for Schmucks) and it has a nice nostalgia to it as most of the film takes place in 1969.  That means the MIB run into Andy Warhol, there's more racism, the cars are different, the technology is different, it's just a different time and place and I guess it was one way to breathe life back into the franchise.  To be honest, I think this might be the end of the Men in Black films, at least in this incarnation and if so, then they wrapped everything up really well.  


If you skipped this one because you weren't that impressed with #2, that's perfectly understandable.  Men in Black II was a huge misstep, but they're back with a vengeance in this one and they really went out and tried to make this movie fun again.  There's a lot of aliens, there's gadgets and there's laughs.  That's all you really need in these types of movies.  So, catch in on DVD if you can, it's one of those movies that doesn't try and be anything other than a fun movie and really, what more can you ask?


Rating: 4 out of 5 stars. 


- Stephenstein

50 Most Hated Movies of all Time - #47 - Terminator: Salvation

The first three movies I reviewed, I thought were either okay (Daredevil) or sucked (Supes Returns, Texas Chainsaw remake).  This is the first one I genuinely liked and don't get the anger towards at all.  There's a few arguments about Terminator: Salvation being trash and for the record, I don't really agree with any of them.  Let's delve a little deeper. 


In 1984, The Terminator was released and really helped solidify Arnold Schwarzenegger as a top box-office draw.  Seven years later, the movie almost everyone cites as being the best in the series, T2 was released.  Featuring revolutionary effects, pop-culture moments galore, memorable action pieces and a great plot, this movie was a slicker and less gritty sequel to the original.  Twelve years later, T3 came to theatres and while it was not beloved as #1 and #2, it seems to have gotten pretty much a free pass.  Then, 6 years later, the shortest amount of time we got for a Terminator movie, Salvation hits.  Building on the events in the first three films, we finally got the actual war between the machines and the humans, with everyone's (at least the bandwagon jumpers) favorite Batman, Christian Bale as John Conner.  It had action, an interesting storyline, intensity and effects...much like the other 3 movies. So, why the angst?


I'm guessing one of the reasons is the director.  McG directed the Charlie's Angels movies before T4 and I think just based on his name (he sounds like something you order off the McDonalds menu...yes, I would like a McG!), the fact he made a somewhat brainless pair of action movies revolving around hot women and he just hadn't established himself as a SERIOUS FILMMAKER (or seemed to pretend to want to), that was enough for the elitists to start crying into their soups.  Then there was the infamous blowup on the set of T4 (apparently Christian Bale is sensitive about lighting guys) that was parodied and ridiculed ad nauseum, but all joking aside, it started things on a bad foot, because as soon as something like that comes out, it seems people just don't ridicule the event, they're getting ready to ridicule the whole damned show and to me, that is grossly unfair. 


The the elitists who made the 50 most hated movies of all time would tell you that no one really wanted another Terminator movie and too much time had elapsed between movies for people to care.  For the record, as stated previously, this was the shortest time period between Terminator movies.  Secondly, no one wanted to see another Terminator movie?  How about the television show that lasted 2 years?  Let's also look at the worldwide box office for the movies.


Terminator: $78.371 million
T2: $519.843 million
T3: $433.371 million
Terminator: Salvation: $371.353 million


Keep in mind too, these are profits without 3D adding another $20-40 million in take.  So, yes, even though Terminator Salvation made in the same range as the other far "superior" Terminator movies, no one wanted to see it.  Sure, sure.  What is more explainable is the pompous idiocy that reigns supreme in garbage websites like Total Film that dreamed up this list in the first place, or the same sort of trashy, stupid commentating in sites like JoBlo that promotes this garbage, spouting from personal opinion instead of fact.  The fact is, people still went to see Terminator 4 and would go to see Terminator 5, whenever they make it, so it hardly makes a movie like Terminator: Salvation hated, does it?


Rating: Worth the hate?  Absolutely NOT!


- Stephenstein

Cowboys & Aliens

I couldn't think of a smartass title for this thing and neither loved, nor hated it enough to make a comment.  This movie is the perfect example of a flawed movie.  It has its moments and the action is good, the alien design is really good, but there are problems with the script...which shouldn't surprise anyone, considering that Kurtzman and Orci co-wrote it...with 3 other people...a word to the wise if there are more than 3 people writing a script (and sometimes even when there are 3 people writing it), it's probably not that great...I mean it's not rocket science people...though sometimes, you wonder.


So, let's get down to what I liked.  I did like the action.  You could see it, there were plenty of scenes at the end where the aliens were attacking the cowboys and the cowboys were fighting the aliens.  Good stuff.  For those who are alien fans though, you don't see much of the aliens before the climatic battle.  A scene or two.  Not much.  I liked the character designs of the aliens, as well.  They looked like a cross between a golem and an alien from the Alien series.  They were big and menacing and did what bad-guy aliens tend to do which is attack.  Their ships were cool, as well...looked like dragonflies.  


For the actors, I really thought Daniel Craig did a solid job.  He carries the movie (sorry Harrison Ford fans, his role was a bit diminished...I'll talk about that later) and other than him and Olivia Wilde, no one else of the human cast really does much.  Harrison gets some wisecracks in and what not, which are one of the highlights of the film, but really, this is Harrison Ford, I think he should be treated a little better on the screen. 


Okay, so I mentioned as much to my folks, who I saw the movie with and their comment was "well, he's getting old."  True, but you know who was carrying movies into his 70's?  Sean Connery.  As well as Anthony Hopkins, Dustin Hoffman and Gene Hackman.  The thing is, Daniel Craig is good, but he's not enough.  I remember seeing something recently about Craig being a character actor and I think that's a solid description of him.  He's a good second banana, a good intense heavy, but when you have him and Harrison Ford, I don't care if Harrison Ford is 90, he can still carry a movie better than Craig.  Oh, not too happy that Sam Rockwell was wasted...I like that guy, I think he's underrated, but he had no purpose in this film, whatsoever. 


Now, it's time to talk about the script...which had problems.  It starts out well enough, but man oh man, the reason why the aliens come to Earth is lame.  So lame that Harrison Ford's character makes fun of it in the film.  That's right, one of the characters in the film comments on how ridiculous the reason is.  While you would think that would be to explain "no, no, no, there is a good motivation behind the reason", there isn't.  I also liked how Craig remembered what the aliens did to him.  If you ever can't remember something from the past, just have an Indian Chief give you something, you'll remember in a jiffy.  Also, why did Harrison Ford reward his son at the end of the film, considering the little snot-nosed brat did nothing but annoy people in the beginning of the film?  Also and I don't know how much you can blame the writers, considering the premise of the movie, but other than Daniel Craig, no one should be able to fight the aliens and be that successful...considering that Craig's bracelet is the only technology on par with what the aliens have.  The aliens underestimating the humans should work for a surprise attack, but nothing else.


So, that's Cowboys & Aliens.  I definitely liked parts of it, but there was still stuff that I was a little ehh on.  I'm solidly in the middle for this film and will neither put it in my top 10 or bottom 10.  Will I buy it?  Only if it's cheap and I need to buy something to get a better deal on something else I really do want. 


Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars.


- Stephenstein

They should stick with Edgar Wright

I really like Shaun of the Dead. I really like Hot Fuzz. So, despite the fact this movie looked like a potential crapfest like most comedies these days, I gave this one a chance.

It started out pretty good. I like Nick Frost and Simon Pegg going around, doing stuff. Even though it was set in America, so you figure it will not be clever as American comedies have to beat you over the head in order to make you laugh, I figured that with these two guys here playing British "nerds", it wouldn't be so bad.

Then we're introduced to Paul. Okay, Seth Rogen is voicing Paul so you know the character isn't going to be a saint. Paul is a foul-mouthed, pot-smoking raunchy little alien, but that's to be expected considering who they chose to do the voice. Okay? Then we bring Kristin Wiig (who is currently on SNL) onboard. Kristin plays a goody-two shoes who is jolted out of her religious beliefs by the existence of Paul. What follows is she throws over her beliefs and decides to "live". She starts swearing all the time, smokes up, talks about having sex all the time...and this is supposed to be funny.

Let me make this very clear. I am particular about what I find funny. If someone is doing something ridiculous or weird or the situation makes them look like something they're not (i.e. situational comedy), I like that. I don't like being stupid and that's supposed to be funny. I don't like The Hangover, 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, American Pie, any of those movies. I don't like people swearing for the sake of swearing or getting loaded or being graphic about sex and that's just supposed to be funny on its own. I like clever. We don't get clever anymore it seems, unless it's British comedy. This movie isn't clever. I thought it might be, but it isn't.

Then they pick up Blythe Danner and they make her swear and mention weed and all that. Apparently, these are the only two punchlines they can think of in this movie. Yes, it's funny that an older lady drops the F-bomb and bemoans her weed being destroyed in a blast. That's funny. No, it's stupid. That in itself isn't funny. If they set it up better, if they made it more interesting, I could see it working. They don't, though. There's no artistry in the setup anymore, it's just here, someone's acting against societal norms, laugh. Problem is, I know a lot of people who behave that way, now. The novelty has worn off.

I did like Jason Bateman though, and I liked his work with the two junior officers below him. It was okay and a nice break from Kristin Wiig and Paul. Honestly, if you're going to make a movie about a little alien, make him endearing or something. Maybe Earth corrupted him or whatever, but Paul is just whatever to me. Whether he succeeds in his mission or not is of little consequence to me. Maybe that's the biggest criticism of all.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars.

- Stephenstein

Bruce Willis is my Surrogate

In the future, everyone will have a surrogate, who will do everything for you. It's basically like, you build a robot, you control it, it does all the stuff for you, and if it blows up, hey! You just go and get another one. Kind of like what the American politicians are doing with the soliders over in Iraq and Afghanistan. This is Surrogates, a movie I missed in the theatre, but watched recently all in the confines of my home...without the stick floor, and the people whispering behind me (I hired two people to simulate the experience by whispering behind me, but fired them, when they weren't doing their job properly...I could still hear the movie).

Anyhow, this movie is all concept. The world is without war, or crime, because no one feels anymore (though people still find a unique way of getting high through their surrogates...even when we have developed a technology that revolutionizes modern society, people still use it for absolutely useless and destructive behaviour), there is no more human contact, and everyone looks way better than their real self. When someone kills a surrogate, there is an investigation, that leads our good guy Willis, to this zone where people refuse to get surrogates because it is artificial life, and thus not the real experience of life. Heavy. Things get even more kooky, when Willis' surrogate is destroyed, and his real self (who looks like Hell) tries to investigate, and realizes that society is now a shell of its former self, because it's all fake now.

Interesting idea, and something I could see actually happening, considering the sad state that society is in, now. I mean, the idea of a surrogate is enticing, as the person you present to the world is often idealized, stays that way forever, you can do extraordinary physical feats, and nothing can really harm you, because if your destroyed, you just get a new one and send it out there. In fact, people are stunned when they see real people. However, they also lose the capacity to feel, as whatever happens to your surrogate never happens to you (except the aforementioned "getting high", and oh yeah, there's also this weapon that can take out you and your surrogate...all for one low, low price), and you can see people begin to degenerate, as their physical selves are neglected in favour of their artificial dopplegangers.

If I have a criticism of it as a movie, and I do have one, it's that on the level of a murder mystery, it fails as it is hugely apparent who is behind the deaths of the surrogates and their operators fairly early. In the case of some thrillers like that, it's the journey that matters, not the mystery, but that is not the case in this one; you are supposed to not know who is behind it, even though the motives of the brains behind it is painfully obvious, and all the other developments in the film are easily predicted, as well. It seems that despite the concept of the film being interesting and provoking discussion, the filmmakers or the studio, or your Aunt Sally, or whomever was calling the shots, was content to have the plot unfold as another formulaic whodunit, with a ridiculously obvious antagonist.

Anyhow, I did enjoy this film, for the concept, and for Bruce Willis, who despite not winning any movie awards, always seems to turn in a solid performance.

Rating: 3.5 stars

I bid thee a fond goodnight...you and your surrogate.

- Stephenstein

Life is a Box

I wanted to check this one out when I saw the trailers, but I wasn't sure if I would catch it, just because, I don't know, it doesn't look like a "theatre movie". I wasn't dying to see it, but was interested enough to check it out. Well, visiting a friend in London, Ont, and I suggested we check it out when he asked that eternally entertaining question "what do you want to see?", and I was certainly not disappointed.

For those of you who wonder, yes, the box is a box, with a button, and you push the button, and someone you don't know dies, and Frank Langella gives you a million dollars. Yes, someone does die, and yes, they actually do get a million dollars. The ramifications of pushing that button, are staggering, though.

I'm not going to reveal more of the plot, but it's done by the Donnie Darko guy, based on a Richard Matheson short story (and yes, it was a Twilight Zone episode), but man, this movie was interesting as hell. I mean, I'm sitting there watching it, and I don't always know what's going on, but I always wanted to find out what was going on. The explanation of who Frank Langella is, and what his purpose is, is just awesome, in my opinion, and at the same time, I felt kind of bad for Cameron Diaz and James Marsden, because the concept of someone giving you the box is kind of preposterous, when you think about it, but at the same time...they shouldn't have pushed the button. I also loved Frank Langella's analogy that life is a box, we spend our entire lives in some form of box or another, and when life ends, they put us in a box, in the ground. Neat stuff.

I will say this movie was a tad confusing, and it will definitely be one I'll pick up, and watch again, just to see if I can pick up more the second time through. I'll give it 4 stars for now, but it could go higher with multiple viewings.

Rating: 4 out of 5 stars.

I bid thee a fond box

- Stephenstein

Where no viewer has gone before...

I have gone where no viewer has gone before...well maybe not, but I did watch all 10 in a row, recently. Not all 10 in a row as in sitting there and just throwing the DVD's in there one at a time (though, I kinda wish I had, now)...but NO! I had to go to work, or some b.s. like that. Anyhow, I did watch all 10 recently, going from 1 - 10, and here's my ranking of them, from most to least favourite. (Keep in mind I never watched the shows, so I'm sure to piss off some fans with my rankings...bring on the hate!)

1. Star Trek: The Motion Picture - okay, yes, it's slow. Let's get that out of the way. I really liked the storyline, though! With V'ger, and how it's trying to merge with its creator, and all that, and I really loved the girl coming back as the probe, and there was all that stuff between her and Decker, and the whole wormhole thing...I thought it was damned good! Also, I appreciated the original cast coming together, and doing this film, years after the show ended. All in all, my favourite one, and deepest storyline of the bunch.

2. First Contact - back on familiar ground now. The Borg is one of my favourite villains of all time in film, period, and I really just liked the idea that Picard's all conflicted with having to deal with them, having been assimilated before. Also, I thought the Zefram Cochrane character was interesting too, and how they remembered him being this big humanitarian, while he wanted to do the mission just for money.

3. The Undiscovered Country - I just liked how this one was more of a murder mystery (and was quite happy that they just didn't blame it on one faction in this one, pretty much everyone had a conspirator involved), and how this was the last journey for the original cast, and they actually acknowledged it.

4. Generations - okay, I know I'm going to take heat for this one, but I don't know, I really dug the Nexus, and how Soran was trying to get back into this thing, even though it had pretty much destroyed everything in its path. Yes, I also thought it was neat how Picard and Kirk managed to share a scene together and (spoiler, for those who haven't seen it), if Kirk had to die, at least he died in a heroic way, and not some cheese way.

5. The Wrath of Khan - number 5 man, I know everyone loves this one, but after the first one, the storyline is kinda whatever. I mean, it's just a revenge tale, it doesn't have the meat that the first one did. Luckily, Khan is just such an awesome character, he can't be ignored. Fueled just by him, this movie makes my top 5 of Star Trek movies.

6. The Journey Home - Ahhh...the whales. I remember really liking this one as a kid, and watching it years later, it's still good, though not quite as good as I remembered. I don't know, there's something about going back in the past that irks me...like they're out of their element, which is cool, but also they don't quite get a chance to fly around the universe, and do stuff, which is what I think Star Trek of being, they're kinda stuck in San Francisco. Whatever, it's still good, though.

7. Nemesis - Why do people hate this one? It's still good! Picard's got a clone, who wants to take him out! The clone has Nosferatu guys with him! What's the reason? Is it because (spoiler, again) Data's destroyed? They don't like Shinzon? (I thought he was awesome, by the way). I don't know, this one was really good, and the Enterprise really had to fight to earn the victory in this one.

8. Insurrection - okay, another one people don't like, and I don't know why. You have a deep storyline, that is really kind of neat (when is it right to move 600 people off a planet, without them knowing), you have cool villains (the Son'a's), you have plot twists, and you have a chase, and the Enterprise duking it out with Son'a ships. What more do you want?

9. The Search for Spock - I was still into this one, but to be honest, it was kind of a ho-hum storyline (Spock's alive, and we know he probably won't die again, so no suspense), and there wasn't a lot going on, other than the Enterprise tricking the Excelsior, and the Kirk/Kruge fight at the end...though, Christopher Lloyd is a pretty damned good villain, so the movie had that going for it.

10. The Final Frontier - Okay, number 5 is the worst of the bunch, and yeah, the humour is pretty lame, but it still had some good ideas...I mean, the Enterprise crew go on a mission to find God, it doesn't get much bigger than that. It's true that such a heavy storyline doesn't really mix well with the hokey humour, but this movie wasn't a total disgrace, just a misguided mismash, which needed some direction in what it was going for.

So, disagree? Want to send me some hate mail? Think I'm bang on? Post on the boards!

http://fantomzone.proboards.com/

Oh, here's my ratings for the movies:

The Motion Picture - 5

First Contact - 4.5

The Undiscovered Country - 4.5

Generations - 4.5

Wrath of Khan - 4

Journey Home - 3.5

Nemesis - 3.5

Insurrection - 3.5

The Search for Spock - 3

Final Frontier - 2.5

I bid thee a fond live long and prosper.

- Stephenstein

Star Trek

Well, look at me. Last night, I boldly went where a lot of people have gone before. I went to the movie theatre. What did I see? Obsessed? Let me ask you something: WOULD I BE POSTING THE STAR TREK POSTER IF I WENT AND SAW OBSESSED???? No. So, that answers your first question. Your second questions is: how was it?

Well, let's see. The effects were good. Now, before we all start clapping, and sending cigars to J.J. Abrams, take note: everyone's effects are good these days. This movie was given a budget higher than the gross national product of most countries. If I make a movie that looks that good on 99 cents, then there's cause to celebrate. So there.

Secondly, the characters. Scotty -- good, though played mostly for laughs. Chekov -- good, though mostly played for laughs. Sulu -- alright, though I find it interesting he can now flip and fence. Perhaps he should be the captain. Bones -- the best one there. Karl Urban was remarkable, with the mannerisms and voice of DeForest Kelly. Maybe he ATE DeForest Kelly. I don't know. Uhura -- worthless, and apparently, has a fetish for Klingons. Nice. Spock -- I want to like this actor. I want to like his portrayal of Spock. However, I want to like a lot of things...and I don't. Kirk -- the biggest disappointment, character-wise. A cheap punkass kid, who looks like an adolescent trying to play his father. When he tries to take command, you want to give him a lollypop and send him on his way. I don't buy him as Kirk...seriously.

Now, the plot...whoo boy. A pissed-off but supernaturally patient Romulan named Nero (as in Captain Nero...get it?) goes through a black hole after his planet is destroyed, and waits for Spock (Leonard Nimoy), the guy he blames for the end of Romulus. In the process, he kills James T. Kirk's Dad, because apparently, he can't stand Kirk either...though he never met him. Warp speed ahead. Kirk is punk in Iowa (a hotbed for punks), and Spock is wrestling with his emotions (and the fact Winona Ryder is his Mom...I mean...wasn't she just in Heathers?) Eventually, Kirk joins Starfleet, and ends up on board with Urban's Bones, Chekov, Sulu, and Uhura. Eventually Vulcan is destroyed (thus infuriating millions of Trekkers), and Kirk is deposited on a snowy, monster-infested planet, because Kirk wants to attack Nero, and not go running back to Starfleet (also, perhaps, because Spock knew Kirk bopped a green woman at the beginning of the film, and made a pass at Uhura...after all...that's his woman!). There, Kirk meets old Spock (and I just lost you), and old Spock tells Kirk to go back and cause his younger self to show emotion, thus allowing him to gain power over the ship. Kirk returns, and taunts Spock, (which is a brilliant ploy, considering the latter knows a move known as the Vulcan Deathgrip...let me repeat...the Vulcan DEATHGRIP).

After these hijinks, Kirk takes over the ship, and with Spock's reluctant help (reluctant because apparently he wants to make out with Uhara again...which he does just before warping to save Earth), they warp to the Romulans ship (which is drilling into the Earth to put a black hole into it...either that, or they're looking for oil), and save Captain Pike (who decided the best course of action when the Romulans first engaged them was to walk right into their hands...that's why he's the Captain). A bunch of visual effects follow, and the bad guy is either destroyed or warped another 25 years in the future, to wait for everyone to return (whilst playing in an egaging game of Yahtzee). Future Spock meets up with Old Spock (I lost you again, didn't I?), and old Spock tells young Spock "good luck"...presumambly because Leonard Nimoy realizes the writers are returning for the sequel. The cast leaves on the Starship Enterprise, and the credits roll.

Now, if you've read this synopsis of the movie, and are not laughing, then this is the movie for you. If you did laugh though, then stay away...the ridiculous events I have described actually transpired in the film (well...maybe not the Yahtzee). This film is another in a long series of ludicrously plotted films from young writers who are "hip" and "cool", and obviously have never actually studied how a plot is actually supposed to work. In closing, a person who "loved" this film told me it was made to "to make it more accessible for more people to get into Star Trek." My only response is this: if this film gets people interested in Star Trek again, then my worst fears about our society have been realized.

Rating: 2.5 out of 5 (as I am feeling overly generous at the moment, and the film didn't really anger me in any way).

I wish thee a fond good night.

- Stephenstein