What do a beaver, a nun and the Queen of England all have in common? Chances are, Michael Bay has ruined all of their childhoods. But, while the man who told TMNT fans to "chill" and managed to make the single worst Transformers movie it was possible to make (at least, in my opinion), there has also been a sub-genre of films where he has managed to anger the fans. Namely, fans of 70's and 80's horror classics. Starting with this one and including The Amityville Horror (okay, maybe the original wasn't a classic, it seemed pretty boring to me), The Hitcher, Friday the 13th, A Nightmare on Elm Street and oh no, he's also got his mitts on The Monster Squad to remake at a theatre near you, Michael Bay under his Platinum Dunes aegis, has managed to annoy fans of these films with his pointless remakes of them. However, we're here to talk about one specifically, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, the one that started it all.
Now, I did not see the original Texas film, so me comparing it to the original, isn't going to happen. Everyone seems to agree the original was and still is, a classic, so that's as far as we're going with that discussion. However, I do not necessarily agree with this being on the list...not because it shouldn't be hated, but because I don't believe it is hated.
Here's a number for you: $80, 571.655. No, this isn't my salary for writing this post, it's actually much lower than that. This number represents the North American Box Office for the Texas Chainsaw Massacre Remake. Add in another $26.5 mil overseas (hey, it seems the folks over there realized there was no point to this remake, at least) and you have $107, 071,655 for a film that cost under $10 million to make. So, quite simply, if this movie is hated, it would not have made this type of box office, Platinum Dunes would not have gone on to remake every frigging horror film made in the 70's/80's, maybe the other yahoos wouldn't have done so either and you're moral outrage would have been quelled. However, that didn't happen. This movie was popular enough that they not only made all those remakes, but they made a sequel as well. So, there you go.
Yeah, the movie wasn't good, in my opinion and whatever the original was, it had to be better than this, but the plain truth is, I don't think this movie is hated because if it was, they wouldn't have done all the remakes and CONTINUE to do all the remakes. So, despite the fact that true fans of the original probably aren't happy with this watered-down clanker and despite the fact when Platinum Dunes announces another remake, there's a collective series of groans across the 'Net, the fact is, none of this is possible without the first film being the success it was.
Rating: Worth the hate? Probably, as it never should have been done on a remake, but the fact is, it wasn't, so it probably shouldn't even be on the list.
- Stephenstein
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