Wednesday, March 21, 2012

WWE: How Rock vs. Cena highlights wrestling's downfall

First, I'd just like to say that there seems to be a lot to hype about right now if you're a hopeless geek. Sure, I'm livid at how Michael Bay is needlessly mauling TMNT. Yeah, movie theatres continue to plunge the entire movie industry down into oblivion. But after reading Stevenstein's thoughtful ode to Cena, I thought I'd plunge into the whole Rock vs. Cena event at Wrestlemania 28 (oh, I'm sorry, XXVIII -- what was I thinking?). Watching wrestling after a little bit of a hiatus, I'm a little shocked at what I'm seeing. First, take a look at the below clip (if you can stay awake long enough ...)

Phew, are you done? That must be the most boring promo I've ever seen! First of all, the entire clip is a whopping 15 minutes. So, that's 15 minutes where fans tuning into RAW don't see any actual wrestling.

Secondly, Cena talks about the Rock for a little over 6 minutes. Rock comes out, and he talks in even more monotone for another 5 minutes, then Cena does some bit about how Rock reads stuff off his arm, then the commentators do their level best to try and hype you about what you just saw. Now, I hate to be "that old guy", but when I was a kid I don't remember Hulk Hogan standing in a ring by himself talking in monotone about how he hates Ted DiBiasi. They did a minute long promo max with Mean Gene, followed by quick commentary from the colour commentators, and on with the show. What the hell happened to wrestling? Why must the entire show grind to a screeching halt as two doofs talk at a slow pace about how they dislike each other? Since when was this an entertaining and effective way to promote a rivalry to sell a pay-per-view match??

Third, Cena and Rock talking to each other is the best hype they can come up with to pump up this "rivalry"? All I see is two whiny bitches, essentially two grown men in their t-shirts and speedos flapping their jaws in a ring. This is a rivalry? I remember an episode of Raw back in the 90's that ended with Rock throwing Stone Cold off a bridge, then celebrating Stone Cold's death at the beginning of the next week's RAW. Now that's a rivalry. Hell I remember Earthquake giving Hogan seven "earthquakes" (a move where Earthquake, a giant fat dude, beat someone till they fell, then jumped on them landing his butt on their torso) and supposedly breaking Hogan's ribs, pumping up a match between those two. Heck, Rick Martel sprayed Jake the Snake Roberts and supposedly blinded him, setting up that confrontation. And all done without 15 minute talking sessions -- just quick action that had impact on the viewer and got the message across effectively. Oh, but look out -- Cena just interupted the Rock while he was trying to talk. Oh boy! All this looks like is two grown men acting like catty high school girls. Cena says something bad about Rock, Rock insults Cena back, Cena retaliates by making fun of Rock, and so on. But ... they're grown, muscled up men! Where the hell is the agression?? This is not Digrassi High, this is WWE. This is not World Talking Entertainment, this is World Wrestling Entertainment! They have to beat each other up! Someone has to get injured and work toward a speedy recovery and redemption at the WrestleMania match. Or something interesting at least!! I don't care about "mic work" anymore. Something cool has to happen. Someone has to beat the crap out of someone. None of this "Who's going to insult who" crap. And if you listen to wrestling fans, all of this talking crap has turned fans into girly high school chatty cathy bitches! And these are men! You hear guys rating insults, sizing up come backs -- what the hell? Nothing about "Did you see Rock elbow Cena in the face?? Damn!!! The officials ran in and held them back, but I wanna see them fight!" or "Man, Rock came in to help out CM Punk, but Cena ran in, picked up Rock and slammed him into the pavement!! Eff, that was frickin awesome!!! That match is gonna be insane!" No. It's "You can tell Rock was trying to think of something else to say, but Cena was too quick." Um . . . What. The. Hell. Is THAT!!?? It's not their fault, mind you. They watch wrestling and this is all they're being given to talk about. But it makes me long for the good ol' days where wrestlers fought each other, or offended each other through some sort of physical means, like Roddy Piper breaking a real coconut over Superfly Snuka's head, knocking him unconcious. I mean, does WWE really think they can compete against MMA with two guys talking to each other??

Anyhow...yeah, I'll still watch WrestleMania XXVIII. I have no will power.

So, I guess Vince McMahon wins...the bastard.


No comments:

Post a Comment