Terminator Salvation (aka the best lit movie in Hollywood)

Terminator. The name inspires images of a frowning Arnold Schwarzenegger going back to the past, alternately attempting to kill, and attempting to save John Connor. Through the entire franchise, we have heard whispers in our ears: Judgment Day. (Okay, most people were hearing those whispers...I was hearing "where'd you leave the toilet paper this time, you little ass!") But I digress...this is not the time to discuss whom left the toilet paper where. This is Terminator. This is serious. This is...McG. Excuse me? McG. The Charlie's Angels guy? Are you serious?

To best answer that question, I will simply say: yes. Yes, I am serious. This movie rocked. It rocked all night, and partied every day. This movie delivered, in a series of movies, where some were okay (Wolverine), and some were bad (Star Trek), this movie delivered large and in spades. What do you want? Do you want a large friggin' robot attacking people, and then little motorcycles spawning from his legs to give chase? Yes, we had that. Do you want, in one particular scene, missiles fired, land mines detonated, John Connor shooting a Terminator from a helicopter, and then burning the surounding landscape, before crashing the 'copter and doing battle with some water-based robots? That may be the longest sentence I've written in my entire life, but yes, you got that. Do you want a serious, hardcore, relentless action film set in the Terminator universe, complete with a big muscular guy with Arnold's face in a cameo? You have that. You even have the best lit movie in history (as Christian Bale would attest). This movie DELIVERS people, flat-out delivers, and whatever you've been reading on the 'Net, whatever you think about this movie, think again. Remember, those goofs on the web slamming this movie probably think Transformers rock...and that not being able to see action is cool. You want to see the story of these guys? It's actually already been released. It's called Idiocracy.

So, do yourself a favour, and plop down 12 bucks and see this movie. It must be seen in the theatre, for its great cinematography, for the effects, for the unreal sound, for everything. If you miss out on this movie, if you decide to rent it on DVD, you are just not getting the full effect of this movie...and just remember...diss the Terminators...and Arnold (or his CGI variant) will get you. He'll be back.

I bid thee a fond good night.

Rating 5 out of 5.

- Stephenstein