I like that they never refer to Zoe Saldana’s character as Colombiana. It’s something simple I know, but I like that it’s just a cool title for the film.
This is basically La Femme Nikita but Columbian version. It starts off with her parents getting killed before her eyes. She was a child at the time, around 10 I guess. You would think the movie would then flash-forward to her being Zoe, but no, you get about 15 mins or more of her being a kid – you even get an action sequence!
The first action scene is a parkour scene (district B13 styles) and its pretty darn cool. From that point on the movie is good too. My only negative is that it leaves Columbia for America, which is a downer, cause the scenery in Columbia was fantastic and worthy of a bluray purchase.
Anyway, Zoe becomes a killer – she only kills “bad” people, which is customary for these films – we don’t want the audience to cheer for an evil Zoe.
How can 90lbs Zoe be a killer? Well she uses stealth. She never faces anyone head on, until the final fight of course, but it works. Her skinny frame actually serves as her main weapon. She can crawl through air vents and sneak up on people and she pulls it off nicely!
All in all, this was a fun action flick to enjoy on a shitty day. Believe me, my current days have been pretty shitty and it was nice to escape for 90 minutes and some fun.
Gamer is set in the future where games like Sim City and Call of Duty are played with real live human beings.
Sim City is called “Society” where you a player, can control a real person and have them do whatever you want. Which is mostly perverted stuff, like have sex with anyone etc. “Slayers” is basically a first person shooter, like Call of Duty or Doom, or Counter Strike etc. where you control a death row inmate and everyone is real.
Didn’t know there were that many death row inmates – cause a whole lot of them get killed in these games. Why sign up? Well you are gonna die anyway and if you survive 30 games, you are set free.
Gerard Butler is in for murder one, he didn’t do it, well he did, but long story – he was being controlled by someone – anyway, he has won 27 games and is almost free. The villains cannot allow him to be free, so they send in Ludacris who isn’t being controlled by anyone.
Players of these games know that Ping (the time it takes for you to click your mouse and the reaction time of your character in the game) is very important. If Butlers controller (a 17 year old gamer kid) isn’t fast enough, he could die. But Ludacris has no controller, so he is able to use his own reflexes in real time – giving him a big advantage in the game.
All this concludes in the first act, and then the movie takes a different turn as Butler and company try to stop the villain who created these games.
This movie is very odd, kind of surreal in moments and I don’t think many of today’s audiences will like it. Its kind of psychedelic, for lack of a better term. But it was ok.
It’s very violent and kind of glosses over the whole technology of how they control others – the explain it, but its stinks of movie science (see Tony Starks Chest piece in Iron Man for more examples).
But it was a fun movie with some good action and I like the look of it. What more do you want out of a movie called Gamer?
Action Comics 904 came out yesterday and I picked it up. What’s so special about it that I have blog it? Is it the fact that it proves that Superman is 904 months old (he first appeared in Action Comics 1 – 1938)? Is it the fact that it concludes the Reign of the Doomsdays storyline (Doomsday was the one who killed Superman in the now infamous “Death of Superman” story)? No, not even that. The reason this is note worthy is that it is the FINAL issue of Action Comics.
Sure Action will be rebooted in September (with Grant Morrison writing – writer of All Star Superman – one of the best Superman books out there), but I cant help but feel that a long tradition has ended, and ended sort of without reason.
I knew they would eventually reboot this series, but I was hoping they’d go to issue 1000. Remember too that Action wasn’t just a Superman title, it was an anthology of action stories, so what they could’ve done is renamed ALL the DC titles that will be rebooted (52 of them) to Action Comics Presents Batman, for example. Until they got to issue 1000 and that could’ve ended the modern age of comics.
Since Superman was so popular in Action comics, it didn’t take too long for it to become a solo Superman series and remained that way until the end. And I have to say for a final issue I think Action 904 was pretty good.
It concludes the Reign of the Doomsdays with Eradicator sacrificing himself to save Superman and the world. After the villains are defeated Lois and Clark meet and Superman says that Clark and Superman are different people and that Superman doesn’t want others to sacrifice themselves in his name. You see he was going to kill himself to save the world, but Eradicator pushed him out of the doomsday machine so that he wouldn’t die. This didn’t sit well with Superman, so he was discussing it with Lois.
He talks about how he is just a person and no better than anyone else, and Lois points out that his belief that he is no different, is the reason that people will lay down their lives to protect him. That he stands for truth, hope and justice. And that’s what people always need to look up to. Sure, he’s the boy scout, sometimes old fashioned, but he is the beacon of hope that mankind needs to better themselves. (Maybe DC should send those last few pages to Hollywood – they need help in making Superman movies).
It was a good way to end a 75 year run. Hope the new Action Comics will be as good as the last 904.
So this is the big one for me. Conan is my number one favourite movie of all time. I even have a Conan tattoo. I love the Arnold movie and the character of Conan is second only to Superman. So I was really hyped for this movie.
And if you ask anyone what a Conan movie should be they would probably say “fighting, killing, blood, guts, babes and blades.” And I would say that this movie delivered in that department.
But if you ask an actual Conan fan, or someone who has read the original works and who loves the Arnold movie, they would tell you that Conan needs to have a certain epic feel, and depth. Conan and his world are very real in the original stories. Sure he is tough and there is a lot of bloodshed, but there is also a soul.
Read, Rogues in the House, or Tower of the Elephant, or even Frost Giant’s Daughter (a simple story but told very poetically) and you will see that Conan is MORE than a muscular guy that kicks ass.
This movie is ALL fighting. One battle after another with no rhyme or reason as to what is going on. I mean the amount of battles even wore me out! There is no story at all. Conan wants revenge that’s it. I know the old movie may seem boring to some, or may seem like it had no story, but go back and watch it! The story and the way it was told is amazing. It had character, philosophy, relationships, tone, meaning, heart and soul.
I really don’t want to make this review too long, but if you want to know how I feel, check out the Conan movie blog and read his review (click here) – it’s long, but I agree with what he is saying.
Conan deserves a better movie than this. There is technically nothing wrong with the movie. Jason Momoa was GREAT as Conan and Rose Mcgowan was really cool as the witch, but again, not enough time is devoted to character. I think Momoa could be an amazing Conan if the script and story allow it.
What was presented on screen though was good, now I just want 30 mins more story and character.
This isn’t a Transformers, or Superman Returns by any stretch, but it was just a passable action flick like any other. Conan as a literary character deserves more.
He has figures, books, cartoons, TV shows, movies, newspaper strips, comics, magazines, art, role-playing games, an mmorpg, and even poetry. This is an iconic character that is known throughout the world, and he needs to have a movie with depth to really give him justice.
The movie we got was a 16 year old kids interpretation of Conan – “he just fights and kills guys” – well no, he doesn’t. You really think a character that only fights could last this long and create such a legacy? There must be something more, and this movie doesn’t show it.
As I said, there is nothing really wrong with it technically, but it just has no soul. Take that from a guy who has a Conan shrine in his room.
Well it does in this comedy/drama starring Kevin Costner. The movie is about Costner and how he is a drunk and bum – the only thing good in his life is his daughter who is super serious about doing good for her country. She wants to vote, but is too young and after her father doesn’t show up on voting day, she forges his signature and goes to vote. This is a long story, but the voting machine ends up malfunctioning so the vote didn’t get recorded.
Turns out that it’s a tie between current President, Kelsey Grammer and his rival, Dennis Hopper. They both share different views and represent different parties. Well the government learns that one vote wasn’t counted and that was Costners (they are unaware of course that his daughter was the one trying to vote). So now, both candidates need to convince Costner to vote for them.
This is a pretty solid movie and I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. All the players were great and Costner really brought home that “average joe” feel to the role.
Of course it’s filled with American sensibilities and it doesn’t really answer the tough questions on who really deserves to be President, but it raises some interesting points in it’s own way.
I would definitely check this out if you are in the mood for a nice little dramedy to make the day go by.
After Star Wars came out, a whole bunch of imitations followed, this was one of them. Although is not at all like SW, it’s more like a Harryhausen movie in its vision and scope.
This masterpiece contains: cheesy dialogue, cheap effects, girls in space bikinis, and bad looking robots with southern accents – so basically this is the best movie ever made!!!!
It stars Christopher Plummer, David Hasselhoff (first film ever), Caroline Munro (girl from Golden Voyage of Sinbad, and Spy who loved me) and Joe Spinell (from Maniac!). So the cast is really good, but of course this movie is loaded with cheese and it’s a love it or hate it film. I love it!
This kind of goofy movie is right up my alley. I don’t believe in the “so bad it’s good” concept, if its fun to watch for what it is, then I like it. A bad movie pisses me off, like Transformers, these kinds of B movies really make me laugh and I have a good time watching.
I got the bluray on this one and its loaded with features and you get to know that movie really has some heart in it. Everyone enjoyed making it, and it’s filled with fun. I don’t know why some people want to bash these B-Scifi films, when it’s all about fun.
If you love cheese then this is one of the best slices you’ll get!
I just read the synopsis of the upcoming Zack Snyder epic Superman: The Man of Steel. It goes something like this:
“In the pantheon of superheroes, Superman is the most recognized and revered character of all time. Clark Kent/Kal-El (Cavill) is a young twentysomething journalist who feels alienated by powers beyond anyone's imagination. Transported to Earth years ago from Krypton, an advanced alien planet, Clark struggles with the ultimate question - Why am I here? Shaped by the values of his adoptive parents Martha (Lane) and Jonathan Kent (Costner), Clark soon discovers that having super abilities means making very difficult decisions. But when the world needs stability the most, it comes under attack. Will his abilities be used to maintain peace or ultimately used to divide and conquer? Clark must become the hero known as "Superman," not only to shine as the world's last beacon of hope but to protect the ones he loves.”
It sounds like an origin story for today’s “if it’s too fantastical, I can’t relate” audience. It also sounds suspiciously like we’ll be treated to a full hour of Clark moping around trying to figure out if he should or shouldn’t become Superman. I shake my head. This synopsis reminds me of the oft quoted anonymous “WB insider” during the 90’s and the early part of the last decade when they’re quoted as saying something to the effect of “do you think it’s easy to write Superman? It’s not!”. Of course, this proclamaition would often be made through years of debacles like the failed Superman Reborn (where Superman dies and Lois absorbs his life essence and literally gives birth to a new Superman, placenta and all!), Superman Lives (in which Superman runs around in a black, capeless costume devoid of powers for most of the film so Kenner can sell toy versions of the resulting gadgets and devices that Superman would use to duplicate his powers) and after the much maligned Superman Returns (where Superman is a dead-beat dad, whiney bitch that wants undeserved attention from everyone, and creepy stalker of Lois Lane). Is it really that hard to write Superman? Really? No. No it’s not. In addition to the countless comics that were produced during the time between Superman IV: The Quest For Peace and Superman Returns, there were many live action and animated Superman productions successfully mounted by everyone but WB's film division. They could do it, why couldn't the film guys? I give you Exhibit A:
List of Superman productions between Superman IV: The Quest For Peace (1987) and Superman Returns (2006):
Superman (Ruby Spears animated series) (1988)
Superboy (1988-1992)
Lois and Clark: The Adventures of Superman (1993-1997)
Superman: The Animated Series (1996-2000)
Smallville (2001-2011)
Superman: Brainiac Attacks (2006)
Significant appearances/starring episodes:
Justice League (2001-2004)
Justice League Unlimited (2004-2006)
After Superman Returns, the colossal brains at WB film wondered why that movie underwhelmed at the box office. They still struggled with what stories to tell with Superman and nearly declared the Superman property to be unworkable. Meanwhile, the comics still turned out story after story and Warner Animation still chugged along, producing a Superman movie almost every year since. Is it difficult to write Superman? No. I give you Exhibit B:
List of Superman productions since Superman Returns:
So everyone on here knows I love the Apes films. I have all the films in the special edition Caesar’s Bust version. Which gave you all the films, the making of, the entire TV series and cartoon series and even that Tim Burton version which was the worst thing ever made.
Now they needed to remake Conquest of the Planet of the Apes and call it Rise of the Planet of the Apes.
I suppose they are saying that this movie is the original origin of the rise of the apes. But Cornelius tells the origin in Escape (part 3). Now maybe he had it wrong? Did Doctor Zaius keep the truth from him? Maybe. But in any case, this film tells the original origin of the apes so its not really a remake of Conquest – since Conquest is the rise of the apes in the now altered timeline – after Escape.
Confusing? Well not really, but there it is.
So basically I am looking at this film as a part zero if you will.
That being said, I really really liked it. It’s 1000 times better than the Tim Burton one (which had like 18 writers and 10 directors before Timmy was forced into taking it over) and at least this one had some good points to make.
The CGI in this case really worked with the movie. Caesar (named after the same character in Conquest) is amazing! He is played by Andy Serkis, who played Gollum in LOTR and King Kong! His face is given the Avatar/Beowulf treatment and it really works well here since it conveys the feeling that Caesar is much smarter than everyone else.
This whole process really produces a creepy effect. You just know that something is off with Caesar and its kind of cool actually! He is obviously the best thing about this movie, but he’s not the only thing.
The movie is wicked! I mean whether you say it’s a prequel or reboot (I think it’s supposed to be a reboot). Whatever it is, its definitely worth seeing, and I will be buying this movie big time on DVD/Bluray. I am happy to add it to the series and if it’s a reboot, then so be it.
Some other cool stuff:
The “Damn dirty Apes” line and “Mad house” lines are both in there. You also see the mars mission – which is supposed to be Heston’s ship taking off and then being lost in space – leading to the first film. Caesar is named after his counterpart in Conquest. They name Caesars mom Brighteyes – which is Heston’s nickname in part one. They even name an ape Cornelia (after Cornelius and Zira) and the orangutan is named Maurice – after the actor who played Dr Zaius. I mean this is a tribute and half here! I love when movies do this.
Also at one point you see Caesar making a model statue of liberty – GREAT! Plus when Caesar addresses the apes it looks exactly like Ape Council in Beneath! And you get Caesar saying something that if you know your apes movies, you will see coming!
So yeah, I am pumped for this one and its doing well! This NEVER happens! So good for them. At least this is an intelligent movie and some crappy Transfomers movie.
I keep hearing Disney canabalize itself by trying to make their theme park attractions into movies. It’s the result of Hollywood’s current trend of pretending there aren’t any ideas in the world anymore and running around trying to find quick, easy-to-wrap-your-head-around concepts that are already branded in the public eye. Of course, they’ll point whole-heartedly to Pirates of the Carribean as an example of making a movie franchise based on a theme park that goes on to gross millions. But those Pirates movies had little or nothing to do with the theme park ride. I don’t remember undead skeleton warriors, a Kraken, a witch, or even Jack Sparrow in that ride. They were just fantasy pirate movies. And remember, there are other theme park movies that utterly suck (Country Bears and Haunted Mansion [soon to be remade by Guillermo DelToro] spring to mind). Now prepare yourself for Space Mountain and Tiki Birds as they’re prepped for production.
I’m no fan of remakes and rehashes, but if they must do it, they should draw from the very best of inspiration – not effing Spinning Tea Cups: The Movie. Aside from the obvious success of Pirates, I don’t know why Disney is choosing park rides as their primary choice for film inspiration when they sit on a literal mountain of creative legacy. Geez, they could do anything. What about making The Reluctant Dragon as an actual movie and not the behind-the-scenes making-of movie the original was? Or do a new Zorro? Or a live-action Lady and the Tramp? Or anything?!? It’s Disney for eff sake. Well, I have a suggestion for a decent movie makeover. Back in the late 80’s/early 90’s, Disney was entering a golden age of TV animation for the company. They never really showed anything animated on TV other than cut up versions of their old theatrical shorts, but they started animating their own stuff for TV with the Winnie the Pooh Saturday morning series, then moving to the coveted afternoon syndication slot with the Disney Afternoon block featuring Gummie Bears (which could make a decent live-action film, but not by Raja Gosnell), Duck Tales, Rescue Rangers, Darkwing Duck, and my all time personal favourite, and the subject of this article: Tale Spin.
I love all of the Disney Afternoon shows, but Tale Spin was awesome. It had that amazing adventure feel to it, with secret islands, artifacts to retrieve, lost cities, creepy bad guys that seemed to follow the heroes wherever they went, etc. It was Indiana Jones, but with cool air planes and air ships. For villains, there were the air pirates lead by Don Carnage (who spoke like Desi Arnaz), U.S.S.R. inspired villains, the Thembirans, who hated capitalist Cape Suzette, and Sheer Kahn, a Lex Luthor-esque corporate villain who ran the city of Cape Suzette. That town is a fortified island city, housed by giant rock walls with guns to keep the air pirates and other threats out. Don Carnage’s apprentice, Kit Cloudkicker, escapes and befriends a big, lovabale lug, Baloo, who runs a shipping company with his Sea Duck airplane. That company gets taken over by a feisty single mother, Rebecca Cuningham, and Baloo and Rebecca bicker constantly about how to run things with Baloo pointing out that he know s to fly and she doesn’t. There’s also Wildcat, the resident mechanic who can fix anything, and Louis, Baloo’s best friend who runs a bar off the coast of Cape Suzette and has connections and information on everything. The series followed Baloo’s, Kit’s and Rebecca’s adventures in running their company Higher for Hire while running into obstacles like the Thembirans, the air pirates, Sheer Kahn, or get rich quick schemes dreamed up by Baloo and Louis, leading to the aforementioned islands, artifacts, lost cities, etc.
I would replace all of the anthropomorphized animal characters with real actors, thus severing the ties even further from the obvious Jungle Book inspiration for their designs and names (sorry diehard fans). I mean, John Goodman would be obvious for Baloo. You can recast everybody and make a live-action film with fast paced action sequences involving the planes, like a rapid-clip chase through a narrow canyon, or a race to Crepe Suzette and the safety of the giant cannons before air pirates overtake the Sea Duck. Just take the 2 hour pilot movie, Plunder and Lightning, as inspiration (it was nominated for an Emmy at the time for Outstanding Animated Program). I see this as a summer tent-pole picture with whatever stars you want to bring into it for added box office clout. And please retain that amazing musical score:
Kristanna Loken, Ben Kingsley, Billy Zane, Michael Madsen, and Michelle Rodriguez star in this first of three movies based the popular video game.
I have never played BR, but it looks cool! Apparently Uwe Boll (the director) likes turning video games into movies, Postal, Alone in the Dark, Bloodrayne, House of the Dead, and In the Name of the King (Dungeon Siege), are all video game movies. You may know Uwe Boll from recent news where he was actually physically boxing his critics. If you think he sucks go fight him! Some of you may not know him, but he is compared to a modern day Ed Wood and everyone hates his films. People even started a petition to make him retire. How about starting one for Michael Bay, he has ruined more childhoods than asthma. I actually enjoy Uwe’s movies and I also like that he has made a lot. I mean the guy makes like 2-5 movies a year! And he gets good stars too, In the Name of the King had Jason Statham! So if you don’t like him, go make a movie that’s better than one of his. You’ll find it’s not so easy to make films.
Anyway, enough about Boll, you can check out his bio on wikipedia.
So anyway, this movie takes place in the middle ages and adds vampires to sword and sorcery. It was actually pretty good. It still had the usual bad dialogue and some really cheap acting, but I mean it has TONS of GORE and there was some nudity for once too, so I mean what the hell else you want from this? Kristanna was wicked (she played the Terminatrix in T3) and along with the gore, this was a fun movie! It’s the best of the series for sure.
A special note on part one – I had Deceptisean over to watch this one about 2 years ago, but when we put the DVD in, we noticed there was a special feature – Dinner with Uwe Boll. This basically was Uwe and his wife eating this cheap Thai take-out and drinking wine with some unknown interviewer. We were stunned. We ended up watching the entire thing and didn’t have time to watch Bloodrayne! I would say get this dvd if only for that special feature!
3.5/5
Bloodrayne: Deliverance.
Part 2 has no one from the original cast returning, so the new Rayne is Natassia Malthe and she is looking pretty damn good in this movie (she also comes back for part 3). The premise of this series is that each one takes place 100-150 years after the last. So now this is a western with vampires!
Really cool idea here and they say that Billy the Kid was a vampire and Pat Garrett was a hunter! Rayne joins in and this becomes a cool little western movie with some good gore. Of course this one isn’t as good as the first and Uwe used the old Sergio Leone technique of very slow pans, zoom-ins, and a whole lot of build up. So it’s really slow compared to the first one (and the third one), but it was still a cool movie anyway, and I mean if you are getting part one, you may as well get 2.
3/5
Bloodrayne: The Third Reich.
Natassia returns as Rayne to fight Nazis Vampires in the 1940’s. There is a also a brothel and lesbian scene. I can pretty much end the review right there and it’s a must own. And for some reason Uwe Boll discovered Natassia’s cleavage, cause its basically second billing in this movie.
This one also has a great behind the scenes featurette which starts with a bunch of cutout Uwe Boll’s head and a thumbs up bombarding the screen. I know this doesn’t make sense and I cannot explain it, you have to see it to get it.
The fighting is really good in this one and the scenery is great too. It was also filmed in Croatia – my homeland, so that was cool.
This was a great movie, and its basically tied with part one, although the gore in part one was better and this one left out Rayne’s signature weapons and changed them to swords – not sure why they did that? Also the story here is a bit off – it’s hard to follow what is happening, but it’s still fun.
3.5/5
So all in all this is a fun series and you get what you expect. A hot girl killing vampires.
I couldn't think of a smartass title for this thing and neither loved, nor hated it enough to make a comment. This movie is the perfect example of a flawed movie. It has its moments and the action is good, the alien design is really good, but there are problems with the script...which shouldn't surprise anyone, considering that Kurtzman and Orci co-wrote it...with 3 other people...a word to the wise if there are more than 3 people writing a script (and sometimes even when there are 3 people writing it), it's probably not that great...I mean it's not rocket science people...though sometimes, you wonder.
So, let's get down to what I liked. I did like the action. You could see it, there were plenty of scenes at the end where the aliens were attacking the cowboys and the cowboys were fighting the aliens. Good stuff. For those who are alien fans though, you don't see much of the aliens before the climatic battle. A scene or two. Not much. I liked the character designs of the aliens, as well. They looked like a cross between a golem and an alien from the Alien series. They were big and menacing and did what bad-guy aliens tend to do which is attack. Their ships were cool, as well...looked like dragonflies.
For the actors, I really thought Daniel Craig did a solid job. He carries the movie (sorry Harrison Ford fans, his role was a bit diminished...I'll talk about that later) and other than him and Olivia Wilde, no one else of the human cast really does much. Harrison gets some wisecracks in and what not, which are one of the highlights of the film, but really, this is Harrison Ford, I think he should be treated a little better on the screen.
Okay, so I mentioned as much to my folks, who I saw the movie with and their comment was "well, he's getting old." True, but you know who was carrying movies into his 70's? Sean Connery. As well as Anthony Hopkins, Dustin Hoffman and Gene Hackman. The thing is, Daniel Craig is good, but he's not enough. I remember seeing something recently about Craig being a character actor and I think that's a solid description of him. He's a good second banana, a good intense heavy, but when you have him and Harrison Ford, I don't care if Harrison Ford is 90, he can still carry a movie better than Craig. Oh, not too happy that Sam Rockwell was wasted...I like that guy, I think he's underrated, but he had no purpose in this film, whatsoever.
Now, it's time to talk about the script...which had problems. It starts out well enough, but man oh man, the reason why the aliens come to Earth is lame. So lame that Harrison Ford's character makes fun of it in the film. That's right, one of the characters in the film comments on how ridiculous the reason is. While you would think that would be to explain "no, no, no, there is a good motivation behind the reason", there isn't. I also liked how Craig remembered what the aliens did to him. If you ever can't remember something from the past, just have an Indian Chief give you something, you'll remember in a jiffy. Also, why did Harrison Ford reward his son at the end of the film, considering the little snot-nosed brat did nothing but annoy people in the beginning of the film? Also and I don't know how much you can blame the writers, considering the premise of the movie, but other than Daniel Craig, no one should be able to fight the aliens and be that successful...considering that Craig's bracelet is the only technology on par with what the aliens have. The aliens underestimating the humans should work for a surprise attack, but nothing else.
So, that's Cowboys & Aliens. I definitely liked parts of it, but there was still stuff that I was a little ehh on. I'm solidly in the middle for this film and will neither put it in my top 10 or bottom 10. Will I buy it? Only if it's cheap and I need to buy something to get a better deal on something else I really do want.
