First of all, why Whiplash as the main villain. I know he’s a classic Iron Man villain, but of all the classic villains they chose Whiplash? Whiplash, seriously. You’re trying to follow up the success of the first Iron man movie with a spectacular sequel, and you come up with Whiplash. Why not Mandarin? Why not Titanium Man? Or even the effin’ Melter for eff sakes.What is Whiplash’s power? Well . . . he has whips. Really?? How the hell is he supposed to fight Iron Man??? Can you imagine how lame that would look?
And what is up with the leather strap fetish gear Mickey Rourke is sporting in those silly stills? People are fond of saying that Whiplash goes through various phases of “armour” (if you can call it that) and this is an early phase. Okay, but if it looks that dumb, why even show it!? I didn’t think it was possible, but they actually made a costume that’s even sillier than the comic one. And don’t tell me he fights Iron man at a NASCAR rally. When will Americans learn that nobody cares about NASCAR? Even Americans don’t care. It’s just Americans living in the Southern states that seem to be obsessed with this crap, but anyone south of Texas, North of Iowa and East or West of the lower 48 States doesn’t care!! I like how they try to shoe-horn in NASCAR guys every-so-often into TV commercials and movies. You’ve probably seen it. Some smiling dude walks into frame and everyone goes gaga. I’m usually left thoroughly confused “Who the hell is that guy??”. I remember one scene in the Herbie reboot with Lindsay Lohan where these three guys go up to Herbie and start muttering lines like “I’ll tell you what, that’s a sweet ride.” “Yup, sure is.” “Yup, I’ll tell you what.”. I had no idea what was going on. I was like “are these guys stars?? This scene looks like it was made just to have them yap about “I’ll tell you what” but I can’t place the faces. Am I supposed to know who these fart-heads are?”. Later, I realized that they were NASCAR “stars”. Are you effin’ kidding me?? I predict that there will be a scene in Iron Man 2 where NASCAR “superstars” walk up to the Iron Man armour:
NASCAR “superstar” #1: I’ll tell you what, that’s some sweet armour.
NASCAR “superstar” #2: Sure is, I’ll tell you what.
NASCAR “superstar #1: Oooooweeeeh, some sweet design, I’ll tell you what.
NASCAR “superstar #2: Yup.
NASCAR “superstar #1: Yup.
NASCAR “superstar #2: I’ll tell you what.
It’ll be the single most embarrassing moment for Marvel in it’s decades-spanning history. But enough of this NASCAR bashing. The NASCAR scene reminds me of a typical comic-movie formula, where the hero gets defeated by the villain (or narrowly escapes an attack from a villain), then licks his or her wounds and comes back more pumped up and improved to defeat the villain in the final act. Okay, but we have a problem. Our villain is Whiplash, who has almost nothing covering his leathered up torso, and we have frickin’ Iron Man!!! Are you seriously going to show Whiplash give Iron Man a run for his money? And we’ve heard rumours that War Machine is in this movie. Okay, cool. I would like to see a live-action War Machine. But does that mean that lame-looking Whiplash is such a formidable foe that Iron Man has to actually team up with War Machine and Whiplash needs not one, but two Iron Men to defeat him?? Are you kidding me??? And let’s say that Whiplash is not the only villain. We know that Black Widow is in this. But now does that mean that Iron Man has trouble fighting some skinny chick and a dude with leather straps and bandolas??
You see what I mean? This isn’t shaping up well in my mind. Why couldn’t they go with Mandarin or Ultron or someone as the villain? And it's not like they can save them for a sequel. What sequel? Last I heard, it's straight on to the Avengers movie. And I don't want to see Mandarin fighting the Avengers, I want Madarin to fight Iron Man in an Iron Man movie! Hopefully it’ll all work out, but Paramount and Marvel Studios have to understand that by not showing us footage of how these Iron Man 2 characters will work, and releasing out-of-context stills, you’re making Iron Man 2 look wholly stupid. We’ll see come next year.
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-Deceptisean
Now, PLEASE don't get me wrong, for I am NOT defending NASCAR in any sort of way...I'm just giving you a heads up so that the next time you feel like bashing NASCAR and their fans, they won't call you on not knowing your stuff.
ReplyDeleteConsidering that you write alongside Jason, I assume you're Canadian (but I know I can still be wrong). I'm writing from New Jersey...it takes me an average of ten hours to drive to Toronto. While I wish your statement of NASCAR fans only residing in the states south of the Bible Belt was true, it isn't. Northern Jersey is where all the big cities are; whereas, Southern Jersey is farmland/redneck territory. While it's more obvious that there are NASCAR fans in South Jersey, I'm really surprised how many people up in Northern Jersey drive around in their pick-up trucks, sporting a NASCAR driver number on their rear windows!
Sorry to say, NASCAR fans are EVERYWHERE here in the US, and not just in the southern states. I also feel that there are enough NASCAR fans out there that NASCAR drivers will be more recognized in the media than not. Unfortunately, that leaves us NASCAR-bashers to suffer with screaming "Who the HELL are you!?" at our TV screens. Ugh.