How much meat could a piranha eat if a piranha would eat meat?

Piranha 3D

This is a remake of a remake of the original Piranha film (Roger Corman) which there was a sequel made that was directed by James Cameron! Anyway, this is a modern remake, and its not part 3 (like Jaws 3D, or Friday the 13th part 3D). I saw this in 2D on DVD – gosh.

I’m glad I didn’t see this in theatres cause it wasn’t shot in 3D and there was no 3D potential – well maybe a couple of shots, so it wasn’t worth it for sure.

The movie is like 87 mins or something and the credits are 6 mins – I only mention that cause nothing happens for the first 45 and when stuff final happens the movie is over.

You know how in these killer animal movies the animal is always mutated and smarter than the humans. Like the humans will make a trap, and then they escape or turn the tables on them or whatever – well that doesn’t happen here and the way they destroy the piranhas is bloody retarded – I mean were they really defeated? Oh, and you know how in movies (Tremors, Deadly Spawn, 8 Legged Freaks etc) there is always a super version of the beast – like someone says “Oh no, we’ve only been fighting the babies,” Or like in Tremors “Those were just its tongues, the real worm is even bigger!” – you know what I mean. Well in this film that part is the ending. We don’t see the bigger ones????????
The last line is about how there are bigger piranhas and then we don’t see them!!!!!!!

Why am I watching this then? Perhaps its for the Sea, Sex and Blood – as the poster suggests – well there is a sea, and there is blood (more on that later) but there is no sex at all. Like no man and woman make love in this film. There is a few scenes with boobs, but nothing more than Machete or something – just the normal amount for a movie of this kind. People were saying this was all nudity – really? Perhaps in this day and age, but certainly not in the Sleepaway Camp / Friday the 13th days.

The gore however, delivers big time. Not only are the Piranhas eating people, but the chaos they cause is pretty sever – a girl getting her faced ripped off after her hair gets caught on a boats motor, guys being crushed in between fleeing boats etc. The gore is probably some of the best I have seen from a regular movie (not counting like Dead Alive or independent flicks made outside Hollywood).

So if gore is enough, then get this, if you need some kind of story/excitement then skip this. I know its supposed to be “bad” in a fun way, but it’s kind of not. It’s not fun enough in my opinion. Snakes on a Plane and 8 Legged Freaks was WAY more fun than this movie and it was more self aware. This movie doesn’t go far enough over the top to make it stand out.

BTW Richard Dreyfuss is in the beginning and Christopher Lloyd is the mad scientist (aka Mr Exposition) – but they are only in one scene.

3/5 (would be 2.5 but gore won me over – so I slightly recommend this one.)

J-Man