Before you begin to wonder if I'm so bored that I'm just opting to watch complete trash nowadays, I saw this movie for FREE (which is the only way I would see it) on the plane ride back from Las Vegas. On the way up, they showed Letters to Juliet, but unfortunately (or fortunately), one of my headphones didn't work, so I couldn't hear the movie, so I didn't bother. Anyhow, the Fates were not smiling on me twice in one trip, so I sat through this movie, and hoo-boy...it's terrible. For those of you who may not know, Marmaduke is based on a comic book strip about a great dane (I got him confused with the big red dog, who I think is Clifford), who lives with the Winslows, and gets in all sorts of misadventures. For some reason, some person thought this was a good idea to make into a movie. Not only that, they got an all-star voice cast for this movie. Don't believe me?
How about Owen Wilson, Emma Stone, George Lopez, Fergie, Keifer Sutherland, Sam Elliott, Marlon Wayans, Damon Wayans Jr. , Steve Coogan, Christopher Mintz-Plasse. Holy crap. I hope these actors all got a lot of money to do this, because they've all done a lot better...even the Wayans guys, or Fergie. Not only that, the live-action cast includes William H. Macy. As in ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATED William H. Macy. Man, the producers for this film must have had blackmail photos.
The story is just awful. The Winslow's move from Kansas to California, because of Phil's job. Phil has this antagonistic relationship with Marmaduke, for no real reason. So right off the bat, if you don't like the dog, why have it? It's not like anyone else in the family seems to care about the dog, either. Okay, so Marmaduke goes to this dog park with Phil, and meets the rest of the voice actors. They set it up like a high-school situation. There's the cool dogs, and the outsider dogs. The cool dogs throw parties, where the other "cool dogs" show up. Okay, so obviously no one in California gives a damn about their dogs, because there's multiple parties, and the dogs always show up. Don't the owners care about their dogs? The high-school stuff is embarassing, too. I mean, it's just like a typical high-school comedy, but with dogs. Instead of a guy chugging beer, we have a dog chugging water out of the toilet. Really? Was this even necessary?
Don't worry though, the human actors are just as bad. William H. Macy gets my vote for the worst line of the year. Okay, at the end of the film, Marmaduke runs away from home (trying to be a cool dog, he hurts his outsider dog friend's feelings, as well as ruins Phil's big presentation...don't ask), and the family rallies together to find Marmaduke. Phil is faced with the big decision: go to the presentation, or look for Marmaduke? This being a crapola-fest, he of course decides to look for Marmaduke, prompting Macy to fire him. One completely unneccessary action sequence later, and the family is brought back together. Later at the dog park, Phil runs into Macy, who gives him his job back. The reason? "I admire a man who puts his dog ahead of his career." It should be noted that Macy said this a straight face, therefore he automatically qualifies for an Oscar. That has to be the most ridiculous line I've heard in a long, long time. I can't even continue commenting on it, it's so bad.
The rest of the characters are stereotypes. You have the down-to-Earth wife/Mom who keeps the family grounded. You have the bitchy teenage girl who dresses like jailbait to impress hot, beach-going guys. You have the quiet son who basically disappears into the woodwork. This movie is just bad, top-to-bottom, acting wise, story wise, yes, they have the mouths of the animals CGI'ed so when they speak, you can see them saying the words, but even that's lame. It's all lame. There's nothing good about this movie.
Rating 1 out of 5 stars.
- Stephenstein
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