Colombiana.
I like that they never refer to Zoe Saldana’s character as Colombiana. It’s something simple I know, but I like that it’s just a cool title for the film.
This is basically La Femme Nikita but Columbian version. It starts off with her parents getting killed before her eyes. She was a child at the time, around 10 I guess. You would think the movie would then flash-forward to her being Zoe, but no, you get about 15 mins or more of her being a kid – you even get an action sequence!
The first action scene is a parkour scene (district B13 styles) and its pretty darn cool. From that point on the movie is good too. My only negative is that it leaves Columbia for America, which is a downer, cause the scenery in Columbia was fantastic and worthy of a bluray purchase.
Anyway, Zoe becomes a killer – she only kills “bad” people, which is customary for these films – we don’t want the audience to cheer for an evil Zoe.
How can 90lbs Zoe be a killer? Well she uses stealth. She never faces anyone head on, until the final fight of course, but it works. Her skinny frame actually serves as her main weapon. She can crawl through air vents and sneak up on people and she pulls it off nicely!
All in all, this was a fun action flick to enjoy on a shitty day. Believe me, my current days have been pretty shitty and it was nice to escape for 90 minutes and some fun.
That’s what movies used to be about.
4/5
J-Man.
Gamer.
Gamer is set in the future where games like Sim City and Call of Duty are played with real live human beings.
Sim City is called “Society” where you a player, can control a real person and have them do whatever you want. Which is mostly perverted stuff, like have sex with anyone etc. “Slayers” is basically a first person shooter, like Call of Duty or Doom, or Counter Strike etc. where you control a death row inmate and everyone is real.
Didn’t know there were that many death row inmates – cause a whole lot of them get killed in these games. Why sign up? Well you are gonna die anyway and if you survive 30 games, you are set free.
Gerard Butler is in for murder one, he didn’t do it, well he did, but long story – he was being controlled by someone – anyway, he has won 27 games and is almost free. The villains cannot allow him to be free, so they send in Ludacris who isn’t being controlled by anyone.
Players of these games know that Ping (the time it takes for you to click your mouse and the reaction time of your character in the game) is very important. If Butlers controller (a 17 year old gamer kid) isn’t fast enough, he could die. But Ludacris has no controller, so he is able to use his own reflexes in real time – giving him a big advantage in the game.
All this concludes in the first act, and then the movie takes a different turn as Butler and company try to stop the villain who created these games.
This movie is very odd, kind of surreal in moments and I don’t think many of today’s audiences will like it. Its kind of psychedelic, for lack of a better term. But it was ok.
It’s very violent and kind of glosses over the whole technology of how they control others – the explain it, but its stinks of movie science (see Tony Starks Chest piece in Iron Man for more examples).
But it was a fun movie with some good action and I like the look of it. What more do you want out of a movie called Gamer?
3.5/5
J-Man.
Action Comics 904 came out yesterday and I picked it up. What’s so special about it that I have blog it? Is it the fact that it proves that Superman is 904 months old (he first appeared in Action Comics 1 – 1938)? Is it the fact that it concludes the Reign of the Doomsdays storyline (Doomsday was the one who killed Superman in the now infamous “Death of Superman” story)? No, not even that. The reason this is note worthy is that it is the FINAL issue of Action Comics.
Sure Action will be rebooted in September (with Grant Morrison writing – writer of All Star Superman – one of the best Superman books out there), but I cant help but feel that a long tradition has ended, and ended sort of without reason.
I knew they would eventually reboot this series, but I was hoping they’d go to issue 1000. Remember too that Action wasn’t just a Superman title, it was an anthology of action stories, so what they could’ve done is renamed ALL the DC titles that will be rebooted (52 of them) to Action Comics Presents Batman, for example. Until they got to issue 1000 and that could’ve ended the modern age of comics.
Since Superman was so popular in Action comics, it didn’t take too long for it to become a solo Superman series and remained that way until the end. And I have to say for a final issue I think Action 904 was pretty good.
It concludes the Reign of the Doomsdays with Eradicator sacrificing himself to save Superman and the world. After the villains are defeated Lois and Clark meet and Superman says that Clark and Superman are different people and that Superman doesn’t want others to sacrifice themselves in his name. You see he was going to kill himself to save the world, but Eradicator pushed him out of the doomsday machine so that he wouldn’t die. This didn’t sit well with Superman, so he was discussing it with Lois.
He talks about how he is just a person and no better than anyone else, and Lois points out that his belief that he is no different, is the reason that people will lay down their lives to protect him. That he stands for truth, hope and justice. And that’s what people always need to look up to. Sure, he’s the boy scout, sometimes old fashioned, but he is the beacon of hope that mankind needs to better themselves. (Maybe DC should send those last few pages to Hollywood – they need help in making Superman movies).
It was a good way to end a 75 year run. Hope the new Action Comics will be as good as the last 904.
J-Man.
Conan the Barbarian.
So this is the big one for me. Conan is my number one favourite movie of all time. I even have a Conan tattoo. I love the Arnold movie and the character of Conan is second only to Superman. So I was really hyped for this movie.
And if you ask anyone what a Conan movie should be they would probably say “fighting, killing, blood, guts, babes and blades.” And I would say that this movie delivered in that department.
But if you ask an actual Conan fan, or someone who has read the original works and who loves the Arnold movie, they would tell you that Conan needs to have a certain epic feel, and depth. Conan and his world are very real in the original stories. Sure he is tough and there is a lot of bloodshed, but there is also a soul.
Read, Rogues in the House, or Tower of the Elephant, or even Frost Giant’s Daughter (a simple story but told very poetically) and you will see that Conan is MORE than a muscular guy that kicks ass.
This movie is ALL fighting. One battle after another with no rhyme or reason as to what is going on. I mean the amount of battles even wore me out! There is no story at all. Conan wants revenge that’s it. I know the old movie may seem boring to some, or may seem like it had no story, but go back and watch it! The story and the way it was told is amazing. It had character, philosophy, relationships, tone, meaning, heart and soul.
I really don’t want to make this review too long, but if you want to know how I feel, check out the Conan movie blog and read his review (click here) – it’s long, but I agree with what he is saying.
Conan deserves a better movie than this. There is technically nothing wrong with the movie. Jason Momoa was GREAT as Conan and Rose Mcgowan was really cool as the witch, but again, not enough time is devoted to character. I think Momoa could be an amazing Conan if the script and story allow it.
What was presented on screen though was good, now I just want 30 mins more story and character.
This isn’t a Transformers, or Superman Returns by any stretch, but it was just a passable action flick like any other. Conan as a literary character deserves more.
He has figures, books, cartoons, TV shows, movies, newspaper strips, comics, magazines, art, role-playing games, an mmorpg, and even poetry. This is an iconic character that is known throughout the world, and he needs to have a movie with depth to really give him justice.
The movie we got was a 16 year old kids interpretation of Conan – “he just fights and kills guys” – well no, he doesn’t. You really think a character that only fights could last this long and create such a legacy? There must be something more, and this movie doesn’t show it.
As I said, there is nothing really wrong with it technically, but it just has no soul. Take that from a guy who has a Conan shrine in his room.
3/5
J-Man.
Swing Vote.
Well it does in this comedy/drama starring Kevin Costner. The movie is about Costner and how he is a drunk and bum – the only thing good in his life is his daughter who is super serious about doing good for her country. She wants to vote, but is too young and after her father doesn’t show up on voting day, she forges his signature and goes to vote. This is a long story, but the voting machine ends up malfunctioning so the vote didn’t get recorded.
Turns out that it’s a tie between current President, Kelsey Grammer and his rival, Dennis Hopper. They both share different views and represent different parties. Well the government learns that one vote wasn’t counted and that was Costners (they are unaware of course that his daughter was the one trying to vote).
So now, both candidates need to convince Costner to vote for them.
This is a pretty solid movie and I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. All the players were great and Costner really brought home that “average joe” feel to the role.
Of course it’s filled with American sensibilities and it doesn’t really answer the tough questions on who really deserves to be President, but it raises some interesting points in it’s own way.
I would definitely check this out if you are in the mood for a nice little dramedy to make the day go by.
4/5
J-Man.
Starcrash.
After Star Wars came out, a whole bunch of imitations followed, this was one of them. Although is not at all like SW, it’s more like a Harryhausen movie in its vision and scope.
This masterpiece contains: cheesy dialogue, cheap effects, girls in space bikinis, and bad looking robots with southern accents – so basically this is the best movie ever made!!!!
It stars Christopher Plummer, David Hasselhoff (first film ever), Caroline Munro (girl from Golden Voyage of Sinbad, and Spy who loved me) and Joe Spinell (from Maniac!). So the cast is really good, but of course this movie is loaded with cheese and it’s a love it or hate it film. I love it!
This kind of goofy movie is right up my alley. I don’t believe in the “so bad it’s good” concept, if its fun to watch for what it is, then I like it. A bad movie pisses me off, like Transformers, these kinds of B movies really make me laugh and I have a good time watching.
I got the bluray on this one and its loaded with features and you get to know that movie really has some heart in it. Everyone enjoyed making it, and it’s filled with fun. I don’t know why some people want to bash these B-Scifi films, when it’s all about fun.
If you love cheese then this is one of the best slices you’ll get!
4/5
J-Man.
I just read the synopsis of the upcoming Zack Snyder epic Superman: The Man of Steel. It goes something like this:
“In the pantheon of superheroes, Superman is the most recognized and revered character of all time. Clark Kent/Kal-El (Cavill) is a young twentysomething journalist who feels alienated by powers beyond anyone's imagination. Transported to Earth years ago from Krypton, an advanced alien planet, Clark struggles with the ultimate question - Why am I here? Shaped by the values of his adoptive parents Martha (Lane) and Jonathan Kent (Costner), Clark soon discovers that having super abilities means making very difficult decisions. But when the world needs stability the most, it comes under attack. Will his abilities be used to maintain peace or ultimately used to divide and conquer? Clark must become the hero known as "Superman," not only to shine as the world's last beacon of hope but to protect the ones he loves.”
It sounds like an origin story for today’s “if it’s too fantastical, I can’t relate” audience. It also sounds suspiciously like we’ll be treated to a full hour of Clark moping around trying to figure out if he should or shouldn’t become Superman. I shake my head. This synopsis reminds me of the oft quoted anonymous “WB insider” during the 90’s and the early part of the last decade when they’re quoted as saying something to the effect of “do you think it’s easy to write Superman? It’s not!”. Of course, this proclamaition would often be made through years of debacles like the failed Superman Reborn (where Superman dies and Lois absorbs his life essence and literally gives birth to a new Superman, placenta and all!), Superman Lives (in which Superman runs around in a black, capeless costume devoid of powers for most of the film so Kenner can sell toy versions of the resulting gadgets and devices that Superman would use to duplicate his powers) and after the much maligned Superman Returns (where Superman is a dead-beat dad, whiney bitch that wants undeserved attention from everyone, and creepy stalker of Lois Lane). Is it really that hard to write Superman? Really? No. No it’s not. In addition to the countless comics that were produced during the time between Superman IV: The Quest For Peace and Superman Returns, there were many live action and animated Superman productions successfully mounted by everyone but WB's film division. They could do it, why couldn't the film guys? I give you Exhibit A:
List of Superman productions between Superman IV: The Quest For Peace (1987) and Superman Returns (2006):
Superman (Ruby Spears animated series) (1988)
Superboy (1988-1992)
Lois and Clark: The Adventures of Superman (1993-1997)
Superman: The Animated Series (1996-2000)
Smallville (2001-2011)
Superman: Brainiac Attacks (2006)
Significant appearances/starring episodes:
Justice League (2001-2004)
Justice League Unlimited (2004-2006)
After Superman Returns, the colossal brains at WB film wondered why that movie underwhelmed at the box office. They still struggled with what stories to tell with Superman and nearly declared the Superman property to be unworkable. Meanwhile, the comics still turned out story after story and Warner Animation still chugged along, producing a Superman movie almost every year since. Is it difficult to write Superman? No. I give you Exhibit B:
List of Superman productions since Superman Returns:
Superman: Doomsday (2007)
Superman/Batman: Public Enemies (2009)
Superman/Batman: Apocalypse (2010)
All-Star Superman (2011)
Superman vs. The Elite (coming in 2012)
Significant appearances:
Justice League: The New Frontier (2008)
Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths (2010)
Justice League: Doom (coming in 2012)
Um, these guys can do it. So, what’s the problem?
-Deceptisean
