Open letter to Hasbro and the studios behind the Transformers movies

Dudes,

I keep hearing stupid comments from the dumbasses that “wrote” the Transformers movies, saying that they don’t know what to do for future installments of the Transformers. They’re “tired” and the concept is getting “stale”. This pisses me off to no end. As a Transformers fan, I know that Transformers lore presents endless possibilities for stories and villains. Just because Orci and Kurtzman are bereft of any creativity and because they know nothing about he Transformers mythos while professing to be fans, now the whole franchise has to suffer while it could have gone on for another 4 or 5 more movies or even beyond. Don’t believe me? Read on:

Unicron and Primus:

They still haven’t done a movie featuring Unicron, the Chaos Bringer. Unicron was a god before the Universe existed and sought peace through the destruction of all life. He accomplished this by destroying everything, even the stuff of space itself leaving nothingness, and slumbered in deep sleep. But he wasn’t thorough enough in his destruction, and small fragments of the old universe reacted with each other and formed a new Universe. In this Universe, Primus, Lord of Light was born. Unicron awakened and proceeded to destroy everything again, but Primus shifted the fight to the physical plane, our Universe, and without time to properly generate their energy forms, Primus entrapped both himself and Unicron in two barren asteroids. Unicron learned over the eons to shape his asteroid into aplanet, then again into a robot. Primus, fearing that if he too shaped into a robot the conflict that destroyed the former universe would resume, decided to instead to turn his asteroid into a planet, Cybertron, inhabited by robot beings that could, like Unicron, alter their forms and eventually defend the Universe against the inevitable Unicron threat. Unicron awakens and proceeds to eat planets for sustenance. He zeroes in on Earth and the Autobots feel they must convince Primus to turn Cuybertron into an enourmous robot to stop Unicron by delving into the core of Cybertron and awakening the spark of Primus. Primus can battle Unicron and fail, resulting in the Transformers facing the truth that they are the ones that were created to destroy Unicron. Autobots and Decepticons team up and defeat Unicron before there is no more universe for the Decepticons to rule or the Autobots to defend. They delve into the core of Unicron and destroy his spark, blowing up Unicron's body just before he's about to devour Earth. Unicron’s head can blow off his destroyed body in the end and orbit Earth or something. This would be an epic movie. Too bad you won’t make it.

Galvatron:

Have Megatron get defeated by Optimus during the Unicron story and get Uncron to remake him as Galvatron to take the Matrix of Leadership from Optimus, the only thing that can defeat him.

Dinobots:

I’m tired of everybody saying that they don’t know how to justify the Dinobots’ Dinosaur forms. Is everybody stupid? Grimlock and his Autobot mercenaries are hardened bounty hunters scouring the universe in protoform for their Autobot brethren and destroying Decepticons. They happen upon Optimus’ message from the end of the first Michael Bay movie and come to Earth. They don’t care about disguise as they don’t care who sees them. All they care about in an alternate form is something bulky, combat ready and intimidating. Not satisfied with Earth’s machines and vehicles as an alternate form, Grimlock takes interest in Earth’s animal life, but looks back to a time when Earth’s life was huge and terrifying, the Jurrasic period. Grimlock and his team (Swoop, Slag, Snarl and Sludge) scan fossiles of their chosen forms, alter them to their preference, and become the Dinobots, ready to take on any threat with their new powerful bodies. Add in a story arc where Grimlock disagrees with Optimus’ less aggressive methods against the Decepticons, breaks off from the Autobots on his own destructive path but eventually learns that he is doing more damage than good and becomes a team player with the Autobots, and you have an enduring character that borrows heavily from his cartoon and comic heritage and still remains fresh. Too bad they don’t give any personality to the robot characters in these Transformer movies though.




Quintessons:

Five-faced, tenticaled aliens who come to Earth promising to fix our problems with their superior technology, but bare a terrible secret. They want to bring new life to Unicron and use him to control the Universe. They also reveal a link to the Transformers’ past, where they had attacked and colonized Cybertron eons ago and enslaved the Transformers. The Transformers had rebelled, driving the Quintessons off their planet and the Quintessons have been seeking revenge ever since. The Transformers have to team up to stop the Quintessons from re-activating Unicron and fend off the Quintessons’ army of Sharkticon troopers.

Jhaxius:

Iron-fisted, self-appointed new ruler of Cybertron from G2 continuity who believes in Transformers as Cybertronians, not Autobots and Decepticons, and vows to destroy all Autobots and Decepticons who oppose him. He also “mechaforms” planets, recreating organic planets in the image of Cybertron, destroying all life on them. He sets about remaking the universe this way, setting his sights on Earth, until Optimus and crew can stop him.

Liege Maximo


Introduced on the last page of the last issue of the G2 comic and expanded in the unofficial Simon Furman penned novella Allignment, Liege Maximo is a fallen god who is the father of all Decepticons and wants to ascend to godhood, a process that could destroy the universe altogether. The Autobots and Decepticons would have to team up to stop him.

Nebulos:

This is the planet from the American cartoon and comic continuity inhabited by humans that inherit the Autobots and Decepticons’ war accidentally. Some Autobots flee to this planet to escape the war and hide in peace, but he Decepticons follow them there and discover a world ripe for conquering.

Head Masters

I was never fond of the American version of this concept, where Nebulons and humans fused with the heads of characters and could transform from that character’s head into another robot while the character can turn into whatever vehicle they transform into. I perferred the Japanese version where Transformers learn to deal with harsh conditions by uploading all of their processing functions into their heads and ejecting their heads from their bodies in an elternate, smaller robot form to escape sticky situations or evade capture. They can also switch heads and adopt the powers of different character’s heads, so a more intelligent or powerful transformer can swap their head with someone else’s body and embue that body with their abilities to get out of a jam. This would be an interesting addition to the movie lore, but may go over the heads of audiences weened on testical and pot jokes.

Characters I would like to see done right for once:

Fortress Maximus and Trypticon

They already effed up Scorponok, so let’s get these other giants right. Enormous, rolling battle stations that form gigantic robots! What the hell is more spectacular than that?? And Fort Max was the leader of the Autobots in the American Headmasters comic and the Japanese Headmasters series for eff sake!

Scorponok

Getting back to Scorponok, can we please bite the bullet and bring him back as the huge scorpion battle station/robot? He had a striking design and was extremely popular. If you’re all woried that you’ve used the name Scorponok already, then just call him Zarak or Mega Zarak like in the Japanese G1 series. He was the leader of the Decepticons in the Japanese Headmasters series (he even blew up Cybertron with Galvatron stranded there!) and played a huge roll later in the Japanese Masterforce series. Heck he was the leader of the Decepticons in the American Headmasters comic. And that little crappy robot in the beginning of the Michael Bay movie is how you pay tribute to that??

Scourge and Cyclonus

You already screwed up the trio that was Megatron, Starscream and Soundwave. Don't screw up Galvitron, Scourge and Cyclonus. Scourge the Tracker can be an experienced bounty hunting Transformer who joins the Decepticons with his team of Sweeps, drones who serve Scourge to hunt his prey. Cyclonus would be a loyal and powerful right-hand-man of Megatron/Galvatron.


Star Saber

Future leader of the Autobots in G1 Japanese continuity (from the Transformers: Victory series), he respects all life and would fight to the death to defend it. Could be a successor to Optimus for a movie or two. I always liked this guy.

Deszaras

Leader of the Decepticons in G1 Japanese continuity (from the Transformers: Victory series), I always thought he was a cool leader, with his chest plate that pops off and transforms into two different flying characters. Could be a successor to Megatron/Galvitron for a movie or two.

Devil Z

Evil entity from the far reaches of the universe who leads the Decepticons in the Japanese Masterforce and Zone series. This character would have to have a back story developed as he was never really explained in the Japanese series, but that shouldn’t be too hard and would serve as more fodder for movies.

There are other characters and concepts, but really Transformers can go in so many directions. I’m really getting fed up with the lack of creativity and interest coming out of Hollywood. It destroys franchises that could go on past 4 movies if the studios put some thought and care into them, rather than piling on memos of what trend or pandering idea they can shoehorn into the next film to make that opening weekend boxoffice and appease their shareholders. You’ve already run roughshod over two movies and you can’t sustain that attitude for long until the audience feels it’s had enough. Let’s buckle down with the next few Transformer films and really tell great stories with blistering action and enduring characters (robot characters – eff Sam and Mekaela!). Come on guys, let’s really pull this one out of the gutter before it's too late (which it might already be).

-Deceptisean