Megan Fox: the only girl on planet Earth

Good evening. Now, I could talk about Public Enemies, but J-Kraken's review was good enough that no extra input is required on my part. I could comment on J-Kraken and Decepisean's last posts, but they pretty much covered everything. So this post is going to be about Megan Fox. Now, I normally don't like writing about celebrities. They screw up like most people, they have flaws like most people, and as long as Lindsay Lohan taking drugs doesn't result in my rent going up, I don't care. The reason I'm writing about Megan Fox however, is to comment on a very disturbing trend I've noticed lately on chat boards concerning Transformers 2. It seems that when most people talk about the movie (and they're all guys in this case, duh), they basically say they like the movie because Megan Fox is hot. That's it. Before I continue, I want to post a couple of wallpapers I found while surfing about Megan Fox, so we can all look at exactly who I'm talking about:


Okay, so there she is. Hot? In my opinion, debatable. She doesn't really do anything for me? Am I gay? Nope, I'm straight as they come. Can I see why every other man on planet Earth is dying over her? No, not really. She's okay. Nothing to write home about, but beauty is the eye of the beholder, though I would argue that you put any skinny chick in leather (see picture to the left), and guys will die. Okay, fair enough. Now, here's where my arguments come in:

Firstly, this girl, even if you classify her as hot, or whatever, is not the only attractive girl on the planet. Every actress in Hollywood is basically attractive, at least the ones who are working. You're not attractive, hey plastic surgery can make you anyone you want these days. The point is, is that there are literally hundreds of good-looking girls gracing the screens of countless movies these days. Yet, all I'm hearing is Megan Fox this, Megan Fox that. Really. So that's it, Megan Fox is the be-all and end-all of beautiful girls. It's Megan Fox or nothing. Do you know how sad that is? You're sounding like complete idiots, because you have NO chance with this girl. Chances are you don't live in Hollywood, and even if you did, chances are you aren't good-looking enough, rich enough, or cool enough for Megan Fox to even give you a second look. So, you're chasing after something you can never, ever, EVER obtain. That makes sense.

Next, we move on to her making the movie Transformers 2 good. Now, I haven't seen TF2, but if it's like the first one, then it's a piece of garbage. Literally. I would rather watch a piece of garbage float into my mouth, then watch the first Transfomers movie again. It's that hideous. So, when all of a sudden does this make a movie good? I'm checking Leonard Maltin's movie book, and I don't see anywhere where he's given a movie 4 stars because the lead actress was hot. Hmmm. Could it be perhaps that these idiots, and let's face it, they are idiots, who are spouting off about Megan Fox being hot, didn't even watch the damned movie? Is it possible that these absolute morons are so engrossed in their own twisted fantasies where Megan Fox would even give these half-wit losers the time of the day, that they did not even pay attention to how absolutely horrendous the movie is. Megan Fox is hot, therefore Transformers 2 is good. Oh really. How many people flocked to "How to Lose Friends and Alienate People"? She was in that! Was she less hot in this movie than Transformers 1 and 2? How is that possible? Did they put her in a fat suit or something? This is the state of film critique these days: a bunch of half-baked losers who are wasting the precious air I need to breath with their 32 IQ's raving about a movie is great because a girl in the movie is "hot". Give me a break.

Finally, I point my finger directly at movie websites that encourage this type of stupidity (and I won't name names...um...uh...oh, to hell with it, it's JoBlo). You guys are a bunch of adolescent jackasses, who throw out posts about Megan Fox, just because you're lucky enough that there are enough ass**** horny schmucks who don't think about anything other than their next opportunity to jack off. You are a website designed for movie news, not your masturbatory fantasies. I don't give a damn if you think this girl is hot or that girl is hot. That's between you and your right hand. Just give me the casting news, the trailer updates, and the production notes, and I'm fine. Get over Megan Fox. She is not the ONLY girl on planet Earth, and even if you knew her, she wouldn't care. I don't care. So don't talk to me about it.

I bid thee a fond, Megan Fox-less night.

- Stephenstein