I have a few topics on this post, so instead of writing 3 smaller posts, I'll write 1 bigger post. So, before I start in, let me just say that I will NOT be writing Ellis Jacob, if for no other reason, then because I can't find the man's contact info. Which actually makes sense because, who would wants schmucks like me writing them? He's a big wig suit, me no have time for little people! I don't want the customer service department to write to either, "hi pimply 17 year-old girl who just started 3 weeks ago, may I please speak to your boss' boss' boss' boss' boss' boss' boss' boss' boss?" Yeah, I'm sure that would go great. That's okay though, J-Man has already Youtubed a video stating how much the theatre experience sucks and I'm quite sure I'll be doing my own thing when I have a chance.
WWE -- now Deceptisean did a very nice piece based on my piece (thanks too for the compliment, Deceptisean), so I feel it prudent to throw another cent into the ring. No, I'm not going to say Deceptisean is wrong. He's right! You know what wrestling promos are these days? It's the equivalent of arguing who left the toilet seat up. Wrestler 1 comes out and complains how many times Wrestler 2 left the toilet seat up. Wrestler 2 marches out and says that he doesn't leave the toilet seat up, Wrestler 1 leaves the toilet seat up. Then they stare at one another for ten seconds, before Wrestler 1 departs, staring down Wrestler 2 and saying all these nasty things he's going to do to the guy. Problem is, they won't fight until the pay-per-view. Oh, I'm sure they'll have quick 3 minute tag matches with the inept jobber or Diva of your choice as their partners, but nothing meaningful will happen until the pay-per-view and even then, who knows? But is definitely watered down. Being a mike guy is nice, but eventually, when all you do is talk and talk and talk, it gets boring.
Survivor -- have to comment on this. You know, much like you can count on a celebrity naming their new baby boy or girl something stupid (like Bjemdodaddigse, the German word for "ass lint"), there's always a "villain" on Survivor. In this show, we have at least 2 villains, in Colton and Alicia. Now, J-Man is right, this is a game, this should be treated like a game. If someone is kicking my ass at Monopoly, I'm not going to throw a hissy fit and never speak to them again. By the same token though, if I'm sitting down at a game, especially a game I'm playing with people I barely know, I'm probably not going to be too accepting to someone telling me I might as well fall into the fire and be medivac'ed out. In fact, if someone I barely know says that to me on Survivor and then giggles, I will probably wait until their asleep, drag them out to the shore, bury them up to their necks and wait for the high tide to come in. So, when Colton dropped to the ground and complained about abdominal pain, if I was Christina, there's no way I'm going to get help. Maybe I'd give him a leg drop or two, maybe I'd do a Stone Cold and stop a mud hole in his ass and walk it dry, but there is no way in hell I'm going for help. As for Alicia, the only thing faker than her boobs is her personality, she's a Special Ed teacher for crying out loud! Is this how she treats those Special Needs kids? "Do what I say retard or I'll punch you in the face?" Really? I would call her out on that and the minute she waved her finger in my face, I'd snap it off and shove it up her ass.
Dark Knight -- so, I read on JoBlo that the test screening of Dark Knight Rises got a standing ovation. Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, keep your pants on. Before you get excited, the standing ovation was made by "Warner Bros. executives". Okay, I'm going to try and write this without laughing too hard. It was by...Warner Bros. executives. To the best of my knowledge, the only thing those asswipes would give a standing O to is the record amount of product placement in the movie! The execs? Who gives a flying you know what about their opinion? They probably gave Superman Returns the big thumbs up as well! Really? Now, I'm not saying Dark Knight Rises won't be a good movie. All I'm saying is, these jackasses at JoBlo, they want Dark Knight Rises to be good and they'll get the opinion of anyone, ANYONE to validate their own opinion, never mind the reliability or the quality of the opinion. Case in point:
JOBLO Jerkoff: "Excuse me Mr. Drunken Inbred Homeless Hillbilly that sits out in front of our tenement, I mean office, can you please tell me your opinion on the upcoming Dark Knight Rises?"
Drunken Inbred Homeless Hillbilly [mumbling incoherently] Something that sounds like "I slept with your mother last night".
JOBLO Jerkoff: Really, you think it was that awesome! Great! I'll write a column right away, as soon as I look in a dictionary for all those words with more than one syllable!
So, take all the hype with a pinch of salt, or maybe a truckload of salt. They'll tell you it all sounds great and it does all sound great, but until the credits roll and we're chased out of the theatre halfway through them, it's all going to be speculation at best.
- Stephenstein
Whaaaaaat? A wrestling post? Is the bottom of the barrel being scraped? Lemme see [checking out the barrel]. Nope. Not yet. However, there is an event coming up on April 1st. No, I'm not talking of the upcoming nuptials between John Smith and Mary Jones. Though, you may have been invited to that, I dunno. I know MY invite was lost in the mail. What I'm talking about Wrestlemania XXXVIII (or 28), which features a main event of John Cena versus the Rock. To me, this actually seems like a bad idea. Why? Let me tell you...
Okay, the Rock is undeniably one of the most popular performers in the WWE. Several people point to his leaving the WWE as a turning point downward in the WWE product (a fact that is partially true, but has as much to do with Steve Austin and Mick Foley's departures as Rocky going Hollywood), but he has charisma, he's a big ripped dude, he's good on the mic, he's funny and he knows how to showcase his spots. What he isn't is a full-time performer, at least not anymore and herein lies the dilemma.
Now let's take a look at one John Felix Anthony Cena (yes, one of his middle names is Felix and no, I did not name him). He is arguably the top face and the top attraction in the WWE right now (CM Punk is up there). Deceptisean has always maintained that the reason people hate John Cena is because he has been foisted on us without us really wanting him foisted on us, event after event, year after year. That is partially right, but what really constitutes the unabashed hatred for the average unwashed wrestling fan for John Cena? Let's take a closer look.
Back in the 90's, there was the 'Attitude' era in WWE. What it meant was that wrestling plotlines were more "edgier" and risque, Divas wore next to nothing and were involved in embarrassing displays of physicality known as "pillow fights", the language was more cruder, as were the innuendos, double entendres, etc. In this era, performers like the Rock, D-X, Stone Cold, etc, etc. all rose to mega-stardom. Then the WWE decided to go PG (coincidentally, this is when Linda McMahon started running for political office. Yes, there is a correlation, here). To put in bluntly, WWE went the opposite direction its audience was going. I'm talking about the mouthy, pimply, 15-24 year old demographic who jam up the internet with their useless drivel and basically make life more annoying in general for the rest of us. These are the guys who hate John Cena. These are the guys who chant Cena sucks at events and buy the Cena Sucks t-shirt. These are the ones who flood message boards extolling how they hate Cena's persona and wish he would turn heel. Why the hate?
Simple. Clean cut is no longer in. You have to be "anti-hero". You have to be cool and insulting and anti-authority and apathetic to those around you. Milk-swigging, vitamin eating, prayer giving, vegetable munching faces are no longer in style. They want guys who are borderline heels, but they fight other heels, instead. John Cena is a throwback, a guy from another era, when the wrestlers tried to portray a working your ass off persona, of a guy who sacrificed it all just to entertain and please the fans. The problem is, the most vocal of the fans hate Cena. They boo him, even in his hometown of Boston. So, why is Rock versus Cena a bad idea?
Because Cena can't win. If he gets beaten by the Rock, everyone will be like there you go, he'll never be as good as the yesteryear. Never mind if it's right or not, the WWE has to keep trying to push that the product they have now is just as good if not better than the past. The performers are bigger, faster and better. If Cena falls to the Rock, then all his detractors will be proven right, he doesn't deserve his spot as the top face. Oh, but if he wins, though. That legion of fans who hate Cena will be all over the WWE. How could you let that chump beat the Rock! they'll scream. It will be just another example of the WWE pushing Cena over superior guys undeservedly. As far as I'm concerned, it's a no-win situation.
So, why write this article? Because, I actually like John Cena. The performer and the man. Listen, I've read more than one account that Cena is one of the nicest guys in the history of professional wrestling. In the HISTORY of professional wrestling. He takes the time to talk to everyone, from the jobbers to the caterers. He expresses constantly how lucky he is to be in the WWE in interviews. No one has made more 'Make-A-Wish Foundation' appearances than John Cena. The guy is hated and the worse part is, there really is no reason to hate the guy, he has just been set up to be hated because we're a stupid, twisted, perverse society, more interested in our own self-centered greed and shallow problems then what's right. John Cena worked his ass off to get to the spot he's in and his reward is a chorus of boos every single night he performs, regardless of his message of 'Rise Above Hate' and 'Honor, Loyalty, Hustle'. He's rewarded by the phrase 'Cena Sucks' being emblazoned on a t-shirt that his own company sells. He's rewarded by being the target of ridicule and derision on the internet.
Cena doesn't suck. The fans suck. The WWE sucks. The entire world sucks.
- Stephenstein
