50 Most Hated Movies of all Time - #49 - Superman Returns

Yeesh.  Look at him.  He looks sorta right as Superman from this pic, but if you look closer?  Too dark.  The costume is too dark.  Like the Man of Steel's costume, there was a lot wrong with the film.  Maybe it was casting Brandon Routh as Superman (he can be a supporting guy, but can't carry a lead -- I'm convinced of that after Dylan Dog) and Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane (she looked all of 15 in the movie).  Maybe it was the plot.  Maybe it was the story.  Maybe it was the colossal lack of action.  Maybe it was making Superman into a creepy stalker and having his love child with Lois Lane kill someone (that was weird).  Maybe it was the enormous gaps in logic.  You know what?  It was everything. 


Do I honestly believe that was the reason people supposedly "hate" this film?  Look, I'm sure the majority of people who "hate" Superman Returns are not Superman fans.  Yeah, they know who he is, they may have seen one of the Christopher Reeve Superman movies, but they probably didn't collect the comic or anything.  If they did, then you understand why they would hate this movie.  I think this movie is "hated" by the popular set though, because it's so damned boring.  Nothing happens!  Superman doesn't fight anyone!  He spends most of the last act getting his ass kicked and before that, he does what...saves a plane.  Wow!  I've never seen him saving a flying aircraft before, there wasn't a helicopter to save in the first Superman! Lame.  It's all lame, this movie is lame from beginning to end, with nothing to give fans of the character or even non-fans of the character.  It's one of those rare films that sucks for everyone. 


So, do I believe this movie should be hated?  Depends who you are.  To me, if you're a true Superman fan, you should be outraged by this flaming pile of dog doo.  If you're not, well boring movies with nothing happening are the Hollywood du jour, it's not like they crapped on your childhood or anything (unless we're talking about Michael Bay...he basically crapped on everyone's childhood in one form or another), so take it for what it is. 


Rating:  Should this movie be hated?  - If you're a Superman fan, yes!  If not, then probably no, you'll be too bored to care, anyway!


- Stephenstein

Top 50 Most Hated Films of All Time

A few days ago, someone on Total Film provided the "master list" of the 50 Most Hated Films of All Time.  Before I continue, here is the list:

1. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
2. Star Wars Episode I - The Phantom Menace
3. Forrest Gump
4. Twilight
5. Psycho (1998)
6. Batman and Robin
7. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
8. Titanic
9. House of the Dead
10. Die Another Day
11. The Last Airbender
12. The Happening
13. Lady in the Water
14. Avatar
15. Catwoman
16. Hulk (2003)
17. Love Actually
18. Highlander 2: The Quickening
19. Aliens Vs. Predator
20. X-Men: The Last Stand
21. The Wicker Man (2006)
22. Battlefield Earth
23. The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
24. Pearl Harbor
25. The Avengers
26. Planet of the Apes (2001)
27. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
28. Sex and the City 2
29. Spider-Man 3
30. Alien Resurrection
31. Sucker Punch
32. Crash (2005)
33. The Spirit
34. Van Helsing
35. Godzilla
36. The Matrix Reloaded / The Matrix Revolutions
37. A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
38. Clash of the Titans (2010)
39. Epic Movie
40. Swept Away
41. Constantine
42. Jersey Girl
43. Resident Evil
44. Fantastic Four
45. Halloween (2007)
46. Exorcist II: The Heretic
47. Terminator: Salvation
48. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003)
49. Superman Returns
50. Daredevil

Okay, now that you've digested the list, let me give you four major problems I have with it and it actually has nothing to do with my personal opinion of the quality of movies on this list.

1. If the writer had called this list "The 50 Movies I hate the Most of All Time", this blog entry doesn't exist. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, even if I don't agree with them. However, as this is a 'master list' (as the pompous ass on JoBlo called it), well, let me just say this is the sort of arrogant b.s. that is ruining the film industry these days. The 3 major factors for ruining movies of today? 1) stupid corporate execs who don't know jack about movies, but meddle in them anyway, 2) stupid fanboys who want everyone to like what they like that's considered geeky, no matter how much the adaptation spits and disrespects the original and 3) stupid, pompous, elitist, arrogant, stuck-up jackasses like the putz who dreamed up this list. I knew people in film class in university who sounded like this wretch. Let me just say, I value my Father's opinion, who never even went to university but loves movies, over this asswipes like this schmuck.

2. For a film to be "hated" to me, it must be offensive in some way.  Offensive as in racist like Birth of a Nation or degrading to women in American Pie.  Offensive against the original source material, like Transformers. Offensive in its total disregard of the fans, like Superman Returns (okay, that's on the list). However, I find it hard to believeHowever, I find it hard to believe that some of these films are hated.  Forrest Gump?  Titanic?  Avatar?  Love Actually?????  Really? Who hates these movies?  Sure, you may or may not like some of them, you can argue that some of the films are overrated, but hated???? REALLY?  To hate these movies, you must hate film in general, because there is no reason to hate these movies.  They don't do anything?  They don't rape and murder and rob from the poor.  They're just movies?  Either you like them or not, but hate?


3. Look at the list again. Do you notice?  With the exception of The Exorcist 2 and Highlander 2, there are no movies made before the early-mid nineties on his list.  So what, people hated movies only occasionally before the mid-nineties?  Where's the older stuff that people supposedly hate?  Heaven's Gate?  Ishtar? The Cotton Club?  Where are those movies?  Movies became hated if made after 1994?  What is this? Or how about this: this is the list of someone with limited movie knowledge who is only using elitist, populist opinions because they truly have no opinion of their own. 4. The writer of the list used various reviews to back up his/her claims.  Some were off "legitimate" film critics (I use quotes because it's off Rotten Tomatoes who considers anyone with a keyboard and an opinion to be a critic), but also You Tube comments and off other websites.  This just smacks of a desperate person looking to push their own agenda.  I can just easily find 1 good review for all of these movies or comments (just 1!) and make my own list called the '50 Most Loved Movies of All Time' and make just as good an argument as this crap-for-brains that everyone loves these movies on this list.  So, you know what the list proves, actually?  Nothing, other than the contributors on movie sites are a bunch of assclowns. 

 So, this is the end of my rant.  If you feel that any of these movies deserve absolute hatred, by all means, leave a comment and tell me why these movies are the most hated (of all time...I can't believe it).  Just be warned, as much as I may agree the movies may suck (or not), it takes a really repulsive movie, to make me use the word HATE.

- Stephenstein

Generic House

Look at that poster.  Isn't that pumped?  I mean, it's not on the grandeur of say, Star Wars or that Nicole Kidman poster from Batman Forever...yeah...that was great...she was in prime form for that...yeah...where was I?  Oh yeah, the poster.  So you have Denzel Washington looking relaxed.  Can you stand it?  Isn't it awesome?  If you say no, then I'm going to disappoint you because this is the only good thing in Safe House.  This poster.  At least Denzel is great.  The movie is not.


My problems with this movie are two-fold.  1 is the camerawork.  The other is the plot.  I will address them in order.


1: If I were thinking of a letter to describe the camerawork for the movie, I would give it an S.  S for Shakycam.  S for sucks.  S for shitty.  It's terrible.  The camera is never locked down.  Ever.  The camera floats around like a rubber ducky in a bathtub, when you've pulled the plug and its hit that swirl just before going down the drain.  Action scenes where you can't see who hit who.  Monologue scenes where I ended up with Denzel's right eye in the upper frame.  Quite frankly, I haven't seen many shakycam movies lately...well, I got my fill with this one.  It's shot "realistically"...meaning grainy and shaky.  Haywire was shot with realism and I didn't feel like I was on a rollercoaster.  I'm surprised it wasn't shot on video.  In any case, it blows with a capital S.


2: The plot.  Now, if you have never seen a thriller, especially an espionage thriller, than you may be enthralled with this movie.  That would pretty much be your only excuse for liking the plot.  The yahoos over on JoBlo gave this 7 out of 10.  Guess they proved how many of these movies they've seen.  Then again, the entire filmography those guys have seen are The Talented Mr. Ripley, Brazil and The Departed, so, don't worry, they're experts...if the meaning of expert has changed to IQ lower than shorts size.  I can't believe they gave this movie a seven.  It's that bad. 


To put in plainly, this is the most generic thriller I have ever seen.  I saw a character show up, I thought "this is the guy behind the whole thing."  I saw Denzel and I'm like "he's not really bad"  I saw Vera Farmiga and I thought "she's going to be the tough one, and you're going to think she's behind it all, but she's really not, and the real bad guy is going to take her out to a secluded area and kill her and we're supposed to be all shocked."  All of this literally happened, verbatim to how it happened.  Everything you think will happen, happened.  There is no surprises, no interesting plot developments, nothing to stand out.  This is Hollywood paint-by-the-numbers at its most obvious.  "Hey, I bet in this scene, Denzel gets away from Ryan Reynolds!"  "Hey, I bet they're going to team up in the next scene!"  "Hey, I bet in this scene, the bad guy becomes Mr. Exposition and reveals all!"  "Wow, the CIA is corrupt, who would have thought that?"  That was the entire movie.  It was literally, take a beginning screenplay course for 13 year-olds and it's this movie. 


I may come off like I'm pissed off at this movie.  I'm not.  It's too bland, too vanilla, too generic to be mad.  I just can't believe that JoBlo gave this movie 7 out of 10.  I can't believe Rotten Tomatoes rated this movie higher than a movie like Sucker Punch.  I can't.  It's too ludicrous.  Maybe they were excited that Ryan Reynolds got through a movie without one wisecrack?  I can't explain it, it's too unbelievable.  This movie has been done 1,000,000 times before.  If this was the first thriller ever made about spies and CIA agents, I could understand it.  That's not the case, though.  


So, do yourself a favour.  See any other thriller than this, unless you want a crash coarse on this particular genre.  For those who have a larger movie knowledge, let me just put it like this: Denzel couldn't even elevate it. 


Rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars


- Stephenstein

The movie that never should have been made

Before you begin to wonder if I'm so bored that I'm just opting to watch complete trash nowadays, I saw this movie for FREE (which is the only way I would see it) on the plane ride back from Las Vegas. On the way up, they showed Letters to Juliet, but unfortunately (or fortunately), one of my headphones didn't work, so I couldn't hear the movie, so I didn't bother. Anyhow, the Fates were not smiling on me twice in one trip, so I sat through this movie, and hoo-boy...it's terrible.

For those of you who may not know, Marmaduke is based on a comic book strip about a great dane (I got him confused with the big red dog, who I think is Clifford), who lives with the Winslows, and gets in all sorts of misadventures. For some reason, some person thought this was a good idea to make into a movie. Not only that, they got an all-star voice cast for this movie. Don't believe me?

How about Owen Wilson, Emma Stone, George Lopez, Fergie, Keifer Sutherland, Sam Elliott, Marlon Wayans, Damon Wayans Jr. , Steve Coogan, Christopher Mintz-Plasse. Holy crap. I hope these actors all got a lot of money to do this, because they've all done a lot better...even the Wayans guys, or Fergie. Not only that, the live-action cast includes William H. Macy. As in ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATED William H. Macy. Man, the producers for this film must have had blackmail photos.

The story is just awful. The Winslow's move from Kansas to California, because of Phil's job. Phil has this antagonistic relationship with Marmaduke, for no real reason. So right off the bat, if you don't like the dog, why have it? It's not like anyone else in the family seems to care about the dog, either. Okay, so Marmaduke goes to this dog park with Phil, and meets the rest of the voice actors. They set it up like a high-school situation. There's the cool dogs, and the outsider dogs. The cool dogs throw parties, where the other "cool dogs" show up. Okay, so obviously no one in California gives a damn about their dogs, because there's multiple parties, and the dogs always show up. Don't the owners care about their dogs? The high-school stuff is embarassing, too. I mean, it's just like a typical high-school comedy, but with dogs. Instead of a guy chugging beer, we have a dog chugging water out of the toilet. Really? Was this even necessary?

Don't worry though, the human actors are just as bad. William H. Macy gets my vote for the worst line of the year. Okay, at the end of the film, Marmaduke runs away from home (trying to be a cool dog, he hurts his outsider dog friend's feelings, as well as ruins Phil's big presentation...don't ask), and the family rallies together to find Marmaduke. Phil is faced with the big decision: go to the presentation, or look for Marmaduke? This being a crapola-fest, he of course decides to look for Marmaduke, prompting Macy to fire him. One completely unneccessary action sequence later, and the family is brought back together. Later at the dog park, Phil runs into Macy, who gives him his job back. The reason? "I admire a man who puts his dog ahead of his career." It should be noted that Macy said this a straight face, therefore he automatically qualifies for an Oscar. That has to be the most ridiculous line I've heard in a long, long time. I can't even continue commenting on it, it's so bad.

The rest of the characters are stereotypes. You have the down-to-Earth wife/Mom who keeps the family grounded. You have the bitchy teenage girl who dresses like jailbait to impress hot, beach-going guys. You have the quiet son who basically disappears into the woodwork. This movie is just bad, top-to-bottom, acting wise, story wise, yes, they have the mouths of the animals CGI'ed so when they speak, you can see them saying the words, but even that's lame. It's all lame. There's nothing good about this movie.

Rating 1 out of 5 stars.

- Stephenstein