Expendables 2 (2012) movie review

James Bond, I mean, Evelyn Salt

My title for this could have been so obvious. "Pass the Salt", "Salty fare", "Salt and Pepper". Really, it was too easy, but I wanted to use a title that represented this movie. She doesn't have the gadgets, the Aston Martin, Q, or anything like that (then again, neither does James Bond these days), but for all intensive purposes, Angelina Jolie is James Bond in this flick, at least in the amount of fighting, death-defying stunts, and always seeming to know what to do. She's a one-woman army, and she is taking no prisoners, at all.

Is Salt a Russian spy as is suggested in the trailer? I'm not going to give it away here, but let me jsut say, it doesn't really matter whether she is or not. What matters is what she's going to do next, and how she's going to do it. What matters is her end result motives. I will say, I was surprised at how little dialogue is in this movie, especially when it gets going. There was a good chunk of time when Angie didn't utter one word. Why? Because of all the frickin' action going on! Kurt Wimmer wrote this movie, and if you know his work (Equilibrium, Ultraviolet), you know he loves his action, as implausible as it might seem at times.

So, what about the action? Well, the director is Phillip Noyce, who brought us Blind Fury, and the Patriot Games/Clear and Present Danger movies (as well as Dead Calm, The Saint, and The Bone Collector), so he should know a little bit more about filming action than the rest. Is the action viewable? ......to me, it's a hybrid. Sometimes it seems really fast, and shaky, but I can see pretty much everything, though not quite as well as I like. It's hard to describe. It's like, they're chasing Salt, and the camera seems to be vibrating, but I can see what's going on. The fights...I can see I would say 90-95 percent of the hits...which is unfortunate, considering I want to see 100 percent of the hits!

The storyline is okay, nothing you haven't see before. I would not say there was anything in there that surprised me, and everything I pretty much called right away. They do try and swerve you a bit with the story, but I've seen too many movies to this point to be swayed by red herrings and the such. That's not to say the story is bad or anything, I was right there to the end with Salt, so it wasn't as if I was zoning out or anything. It's a pretty good espionage flick, with lots going on, so it should keep everyone entertained, at least.

So, that's Salt. See it in the theatre, and buckle in, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

Rating 4 out of 5 stars.

- Stephenstein

G.I. Joe: A Real International Hero

I can't help, but comment on the fact that G.I. Joe has an "international" cast. Huh. Good work, United States. You've jaded everyone with your political shenanigans, to the point that if you present a squadron of United States military as titular "heroes" in a film, you're likely to be bombasted with cynical rhetoric about how ridiculous the notion is. You've managed to destroy your own good press. Good jobs.

But enough about my political comments. I feel all dirty just making them. This is G.I.Joe. Not the G.I. Joe you know from being a kid. This is a different G.I. Joe. One with a wise-cracking Wayans' brother in it. I know, I know, I thought the movie would be garbage, too...and you know what? It's not! That's right, all my posturing and sneering at how crappy this movie was going to be and it...wasn't...CRAP! Whooo hoo, somebody proved me wrong! Excuse me, I must high-five a random individual on the street.

[Later] You know, that guy didn't have to ask me for spare changed, as well! The high-five was enough! Eh...people...where was I? Oh yes. G.I. Joe. So, if you like action, this is the movie for you. There is non-stop action...when the Joes are fighting Cobra at the beginning, when Cobra infiltrates The Pit, when Cobra tries to unleash a devastating weapon onto unsuspecting Paris, when they infiltrate Cobra's underwater base, I mean the action simply does not stop!

That's not to say there aren't bad parts, and I'll list them here:

1. Baronness turning good sucks.

2. Ripcord's character is for the most part, annoying.

3. The proposal scene between Duke and the Baronness is horribly written.

4. Cobra Commander's mask is terrible and Destro doesn't have the mask until the end.

5. I didn't like the romance between Scarlett and Ripcord.

Yeah...but Snake Eyes is awesome. Storm Shadow is awesome. All the characters (with the exception of Ripcord, and he's not Jar Jar Binks) are cool, the gadgets and weaponary in this film are unbelieveable, and let me just re-iterate that again for the people in the cheap seats, the gadgets and weaponary are UN...FRICKIN'...BELIEVEABLE. No, seriously, now I know where all the creative people are in Hollywood...they were on G.I. Joe, making the cool stuff. The stuff in this film is genius, and I can't, and I really mean this, I cannot wait to see what things they come up for in the sequel! I mean, those were worth the price of admission, alone. This movie deserves to be seen on the big screen, with a pumped up sound system, and all the bells and whistles. Honestly, this was the most exciting visual movie of the year, for me at least, and you could even see the action! Hurray! Score one for Stephen Sommers! But honestly, go see this film, it's entertaining, it's fun, it's not exactly G.I. Joe as you may remember it, but at least it doesn't piss all over the legacy.

Rating: 3.5 stars out of 5.

I bid thee a fond goodnight

- Stephenstein