Armored. Doesn't the title sound cool? Like, "I'm going to get all armored, and then we'll see who is laughing at who for bed-wetting!" Not me. I don't wet the bed. Any more. Anyhow, the movie hooked me because of the insane amount of "we're not really headline stars, but we're known" actors in this movie. Matt Dillon. Laurence Fishburne. Jean Reno. Skeet Ulrich (that's right...Skeet...Ulrich), Milo V. (I refuse to spell his last name, as I don't really know how to spell it, but you know, he's Rocky's kid in Rocky Balboa).
Overall, this movie was solid, if unspectacular. Basically, it's about a guy, Ty Hackett (Columbus Short) refusing to give in his principles, even when there is overwhelming reasons for him to. His folks died, he's got two mortgages on his home, there's a stack of hospital bills, Child Welfare wants to take his little brother away from him, because he's skipping school, because the little brother is looking for a job to help support him and Ty...and all Matt Dillon and his guys want to do is take a little bit of money ($42 million worth), to help him and his family out...and themselves, of course (no duh), so he reluctantly agrees, even though his experiences as a soldier in Iraq had scarred him. Wow, I haven't been this depressed since Up.
So it all goes bad of course, and then it's him against his fellow guards, and since he's a solider, that's a good excuse for how ludicrously resourceful he is. He makes a bomb in no time flat, he burns money, in no time flat, if you want something done, in no time flat, then this is your guy.
However, I can't help but feel that his nobility is a tad misplaced. His main gripes are against anyone getting hurt, and getting caught by the cops, as they would definitely take his little brother away from him. However, he bails at the first sign of danger, which doesn't make much sense, considering that he has the most to gain by the heist succeeding. Consequently, the "bad" guys (who aren't really that bad, when you think about it), take far too much time pounding away on the hinges to the back door, when really, they had an alternative that I thought of, that would save them both time, and allow them to succeed. Ty's locked in the back of one of the trucks with half the money, so why not torch that truck, and split the remaining money? You still have 21 million, and a perfect scapegoat for the crime, but I guess you also wouldn't have a movie, would you?
That's the inherent problem with these movies, though: logic has to go out the window for it to be a movie, but these sort of movies rely heavily on logic for them to succeed. It's a Catch-22 situation, that very few movies can overcome. This isn't one of them. It is a decent movie, there's so good suspense, and I laughed out loud when he set up the bomb, as the guys who were killed in the explosions DEFINITELY deserved it (at least Laurence Fishburne did...he was pissing me off the entire film), and I liked the main guy, Columbus Short (though he got 7th billing or something, and I don't know why, he was the star of the show), but this one really is either a rental or a $6 cheapie DVD purchase.
Rating: 3 out of 5 stars.
I bid thee a fond armored goodnight
- Stephenstein
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