Sherlock Holmes

I have never read a single Sherlock Holmes story...let me rephrase that...I have never read a Sherlock Holmes story written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. I have "The Best of Sherlock Holmes" book in my bookcase, but with a thousand billion other things to read, it gets a little tough to fit everything in. Why the confessional? Just to let you know that I don't know jack about Sherlock Holmes, the actual literary character. I am reviewing this film for a position of ignorance, at least as far as the original subject matter is concerned. Does that matter? You be the judge.

So, on to the actual film, which I actually did like, quite a lot. It wasn't a perfect Sherlock Holmes story; I mean, they portray Holmes as an eccentric genius mostly, which is how I would think of him, but there are some scenes, and nothing really big immediately comes to mind, but I'm sure the other members of the Zone who see the movie would be able to point them out...there are some scenes that I think has less to do with "Haha, Sherlock is eccentric, but he's still brilliant", and more to do with "Sherlock Holmes is a bumbling idiot". I don't like that. Sherlock Holmes is supposed to be the most brilliant detective ever created, as far as I'm concerned, and even if he makes a mistake, he's not supposed to look like a moron when he does it.

Anyhow, I was quite surprised that there is a lot of deduction and investigation in this movie, and the really cool thing is, when Sherlock is going over things in his mind, or thinking back on things, you see the things he saw (or foresees, in some cases), which is really kind of neat. Yes, there is action (and I'm sorry to say, some of it is the same poorly edited, fast-cutting crap), and there is some humour (though not as much as I feared there would be), and no, he doesn't actually end up with Rachel Mcadams' character (which was also, something of a relief).

So, as for the actual mystery, well, you know who the villain is, from the trailer. The mystery surrounds what his final plan is going to be, and how he did the "supernatural" feats that he is credited with doing. For his plan, it's pretty much run-of-the-mill, which was a tad disappointing, but I think it's intimidating writing for Sherlock Holmes...I mean, if I had to come up with a brilliant plan for him to solve, I could do it, but it would be tough. Like I said, it's just breaking down how Lord Blackwood did things, and when he's going to strike next, that is the true mystery.

So, as for the players. Downey Jr. was pretty good as Sherlock (even if he kept losing his English accent), Jude Law was pretty good as Watson (he did a bit more than I expected.) McAdams was a pretty face and not much else as Irene Adler, and Mark Strong was imposing as Blackwood, though he appeared very little in the movie. Oh, and yes, Moriarty does appear in the movie, in case any Sherlock fans were wondering.

Anyhow, that's a wrap on the last 2009 movie I'm reviewing this year. My top ten will follow.

I bid thee a fond goodnight.

- Stephenstein

Nobody's Dirtier than Harry

As a child growing up, I was familiar, as everyone is I suppose, with the famous catchphrases attributed to Clint Eastwood's immortal Dirty Harry Callahan. Phrases like "Make my Day", and "Do You Feel Lucky, Punk" are part of the pop culture lexicon, and I'm sure more than one less-than-bright person has spouted these lines in certain situations, usually accompanied with the guffaws of his less-than-bright friends. Anyhow, let's not dwell on who left their socks where...I mean! I mean about my nonsensical ramblings. This is about me finally sitting down and watch the Dirty Harry series.

More importantly, this is about me discovering probably the best cop series ever committed to film. Clint Eastwood is Dirty Harry, and before these films, I did not really understand that these films were part of a growing discontent in the United States regarding the uselessness of their laws. Yes, that's the right word, useless. They are depicted this way in the film, and talked about in the special features: about how the public was growing dissatsfied with the law's preoccupation with the rights of the accused over the rights of the victim. Enter Harry. This man does not care...in spades. He goes in, and gets the job done, and if he steps on toes, it's only because he was too busy to stomp on them. Here's the five:

Dirty Harry - the original, the classic. Not only do we get the "Do You Feel Lucky, Punk?" line, but also perhaps one of the top ten villains in film history: Scorpio. Played by Andy Robinson, this guy is just plain scary...he'll do anything, gun down a priest, kidnap a busload of kids, he doesn't care, and has less regard for the rules than Harry, which says a lot. This is the best of the lot, in my opinion, because it shows Harry at the end of his rope, and going after probably one of the most dangerous killers in history, while questioning while he still does his job.

Magnum Force - the next writers (John Milius and Michael Cimino) were smart, and turned the 2nd one on its head - now Harry is fighting on the side of the system against rogue cops. Some people don't like this one, but it's an interesting premise, the vigilante cops are formidable opponents, and it's got probably the best score of the Harry's

The Enforcer - Harry goes to Alcatraz to save the mayor and take out a splinter hippy band. Once again, the villains are pretty dangerous, the boss is more antagonistic, and this time, he's got a female partner (not something Harry's thrilled with). This was really the one that showed the bureaucracy of of the law was filtering into the police force, with less than promising results.

Sudden Impact - Harry's out of San Francisco, and investigating a series of murders by a vigilante with sympathetic motives. This is the one where he says "Make My Day", and showed a more mellow Harry, who doesn't seem too inclined to bust the perpetrator. It also continued the string of dangerous opponents of Harry's that you would just love to see taken out (some particularily vile rapists).

The Dead Pool - The weakest of the bunch, in my opinion (but what a bunch!), Harry's older, and they want him to be media-friendy (!!!), while he investigates who is killing people on the dead pool list, and trying to frame Liam Neeson's character for it. Clint's older, and while he still has that grimace, Harry seems more tired on this one...though the scene in the jail was pretty good, and he still gave the villain a really nasty death...though the end death in The Enforcer was probably the most brutal.

So there you have it, a classic series, and probably the best cop series ever. Do yourself a favour, and pick these up. You won't be disappointed.

Rating: 5 out of 5.

I bid thee a fond goodnight...if you feel lucky, punk.

- Stephenstein

It's not really that complicated

You know what this blog needs? A review of a chick flick! Yes! It's all part of my master plan!...well...erm...not really. I was dragged to this movie, with the promise of a free dinner afterwards. So, off I went, because I don't know if you know this, but I am an absolute whore for a free dinner. I will subject myself to anything...for a free dinner. It doesn't even have to be chic...though I may rethink seeing a certain film if all I'm getting afterwards is Mickey D's.

Anyhow, enough about my gastronomic situation. We have a movie to review here, people! It's Complicated. Well, not that really. Meryl Streep was married to Alec Baldwin. Alec Baldwin cheated on her with Lake Bell (though if he was going to cheat on Meryl with someone, I would have hoped it would have been someone better looking...Meryl may be 60, but she's not a hideous 60...and Lake's skin resembles shoe leather). Anyhow, so now Alec is with Lake, but he's not happy, so years later he cheats on Lake...with Meryl. Then it becomes a classic "should I or shouldn't I" situation.

Now, this movie is supposed to be a comedy, but a lot of the humour seems to be of the "I'm older, but I'm still hip" variety. Such as older women talking about sex and giggling like children...or smoking pot and getting the giggles. Yes, yes, hilarious. Let me go out and inhale more wind from that brown paper bag I snuck in. There is one funny scene where Steve Martin accidently views Alec Baldwins genitals via web cam, unsuspectingly (Alec sneaks in au naturale while Meryl is in the john), but this has more to do with Martin's horrified reactions than the actual act.

I will say that this movie is watchable, that other than the somewhat sophmoric humour, it isn't a bad story, and the actors do their best with the material given to them. Alec Baldwin stood out for me, here's a guy who used to be a stud when he was younger, and even though he's older and far heavier, he still gives his all and strips down, and shows you his obese glory. It's nice to know that at least one Hollywood star can have faults, and not be ashamed of him (which is a contrast from a lot of his colleagues, who get surgery at the sign of a pimple...get your Hollywood star, now with 95 percent more plastic!)

Anyhow, this is a renter for sure, and only if your with someone who enjoys somewhat humourous situational comedy with older generation actors.

Rating: 3 out of 5 stars.

I bid thee a fond affair.

- Stephenstein

TOP 10 OF 2009

2009 was a pretty good year for movies. Then again I was super selective of what I saw, so I didn’t catch too many duds. I did miss Anvil: The story of Anvil, Inglourious Basterds, and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

Anvil was a 2008 movie, so that wouldn’t be included in the top 10 of this year anyway, but it was a 5/5. Basterds would be my number 3 movie of this year if I saw it in the theatre. Transformers was ok, but wouldn’t make my top 10 anyway. So basically, here is a list of all 2009 movies I saw in the theatre that are up for debate:

PAUL BLART: MALL COP
UNDERWORLD: RISE OF THE LYCANS
PUSH
FRIDAY THE 13TH (REMAKE)
STREET FIGHTER: THE LEGEND OF CHUN LI
WATCHMEN
12 ROUNDS
KNOWING
DRAGONBALL EVOLUTION
FIGHTING
WOLVERINE
STAR TREK
TERMINATOR SALVATION
THE HANGOVER
PUBLIC ENEMIES
BRUNO
HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE
G.I. JOE: RISE OF COBRA
DISTRICT 9
9 (ANIMATED)
LAW ABIDING CITIZEN
MICHAEL JACKSON: THIS IS IT
SAW 6
NINJA ASSASSIN
FANTASTIC MR. FOX
AVATAR

Since I didn’t see very much this year, I will give you my top 5 of the year, in order.

1. Watchmen.

With all that could’ve gone wrong, with an epic story almost un-filmable, and against all odds Zack Snyder and his team pulled it off. A great film worthy of comparison to 2001: A Space Odyssey in terms of depth and storytelling. This is one of the finest films ever made and is my 3rd favourite film of all time, never mind this year. This is what movies are all about. This is what storytelling is all about. Characters, themes, music, dialogue and atmosphere come together to present a great message, several themes, and many in depth looks at the human mind, body and soul and finally admit that human life is a miracle itself. Great job to all who worked on this masterpiece of film making.

2. Avatar.

James Cameron creates another great film. Avatar is nothing short of amazing. Story and visuals come together in this masterpiece of film making that doesn’t overuse its technology just to show you it can. Instead, effects are utilized to create a new world. A world of well thought-out creatures and animals and of a culture not unlike our natives, who depend upon the forest and their environment. They are one with the land in ways that we can never understand. They interact with trees and with animals and have a sense of spirit. The film itself has this same sense of spirit. We are taken in by these people just as the characters in the film are. A great movie that is more than the sum of its parts. Yes the effects are great, yes the 3D is the best to-date, and yes the story is good, but it’s more than just that, there is a magic in this film you don’t find too often, if ever.

3. District 9.

This is a great science fiction film. Science fiction was made to tell this story of how humans treat those who are different. If this film had been shot with humans, instead of ugly aliens, it would be banned in all countries. The film makers here have a great understanding of storytelling, sci-fi and humanity. The lead character goes through a transformation of body and of mind. We know that this has to happen in a movie about a man who treats others like crap, then becomes one of them, but for some reason it never feels forced, and the documentary style of this film really adds to the story. Usually documentary style of shooting annoys me, but here it made the movie feel real. We are totally in the world of this movie and it’s pretty realistic in it’s portrayal of how we would treat visitors to our planet. Good stuff.

4. Fantastic Mr. Fox

Based on the children’s classic by Roald Dahl, Wes Anderson takes this story and does something special with it. Firstly, he uses stop motion animation, a personal favourite of mine, and one that we don’t see too often. Stop motion creates a world of tangible animals that act like people, but are still animals. I know that sounds like a bunch of Dreamworks crap, but it’s really not. The story is amazing (as are Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, James and the Giant Peach and Matilda – other works by the same author), and there is a lot of cute and dry humour in it as well. To me, this is the film of the year for children and a great movie for adults. Thank god they stayed away from pop-culture references and adult humour – which makes it timeless! A real fun movie with some good themes too.

5. Terminator: Salvation.

If you love the Terminator series, then you should like this movie. It continues from the others and still manages to come up with something new. I hate people who drop a franchise just because they feel like it, or when they claim that the latest instalment is not as good as the one that came before it. It’s still good on its own. Is it better than T2, no, is there many movies that are better than T2, NO. So what the hell do you want here? The action is heart-pounding and the story is pretty good. They introduce Marcus – whom I immediately hated, then 5 minutes later, I loved, and he is the new type of terminator – one who doesn’t know he is one! That’s an interesting concept. Skynet keeps sending out machines, but they fail because they think like machines, but Marcus thinks like a man, so it’s man versus man (to an extent, Marcus still has cybernetic parts). I just think it’s a great idea, and that coupled with the action and with so many different style of robots and with Arnold making a CGI guest appearance is enough to say that this movie is worthy of the Terminator franchise. If you truly like the Terminator series, then you should pick this up.

Well that about wraps it up. I could go on and do the next 5 movies in detail, but I wont. The remaining 5 of the top 10 are (in no particular order):

Saw 6, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, 12 Rounds, Knowing and Wolverine.

Other really good ones were 9 and Paul Blart. G.I. Joe would’ve almost made it, but just not good enough.

The big disappointment was Star Trek. If this film wasn’t called Star Trek I may have liked it more, but calling it something that it’s not just doesn’t fly with me and more often than not I was pissed off during the movie. It looks good and its not that bad, but under the name Star Trek you have to do better than that.

Anyway, see you next year.

J-Man.

Here we go.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

A lot of people have been waiting for my 2 cents on this one. Well lets recap TF1.

TF1 was a horrid movie which destroyed several childhood dreams of playing with transformers and watching the old movie (which I saw in the theatre and loved). The movie was just bad. Bad as a transformers movie and bad as a movie. You couldn’t see the action (2 heaps of scrap metal rolling down a hill with a zoomed in camera), there was no story (something about getting glasses and all sparks that turn mountain dew machines and nokia phones into robots), and the plot was made up of bad jokes (about masturbation), Megan Fox bending over (serves no purpose when you can download every picture of her ever taken), and Optimus Prime stepping on a fountain and saying “My bad.” 1/5 (it didn’t get zero cause Peter Cullen is the best!)

Well, for ROTF we got zoomed out fights (and more of them) A story! (the TF’s require energon to function and decide to absorb energy from suns – but not from systems that need the sun to sustain life – the fallen doesn’t care about humanity so he will destroy us for more energon anyway. – hey it’s not great but at least its story line). And we get better plot – one scene has just the ROBOTS talking! The cheap jokes are still present – worse than part one, but are mostly in the beginning hour. If you can survive the horrid jokes of the 1st hour you may enjoy this – its not so bad cause after every bad joke Optimus prime does something wicked! Megatron does WAY MORE, and the Fallen is a cool villain. Plus Prime gets an upgrade that has to be seen to be believed.

Some of the smaller robots were really bad, and the pretender was utterly pointless. Megan Fox was actually ok! Although I didn’t think making her orange and red with makeup was needed (her face was literally orange). But she wasn’t annoying – that’s the key here. Of course they inserted an annoying sidekick – why I don’t know. If he wasn’t in the film it would’ve been better. Then there are Skids and Mudflap – terrible. Really bad inventions, I wish they had died.

As a transformers movie, its still not that great. But this movie featured more of the TFs doing stuff….if we keep on this route, maybe by part 4 or 5 we will get a perfect TF MOVIE! If I take this existing movie – not me making one, I can take this 2.5 hours movie and re-edit it to a 100 min movie it would be pretty darn cool. It still wouldn’t bet transformers, but I think it would have been much better.

Anything involving the big robots was wicked. Anything involving the humans and small robots was bad. In some cases, REALLY BAD (I would edit those scenes out). But John Turturo was back and I like him as an actor and he didn’t get pissed on and was actually helpful!

The action scenes are a wonder I must say. Really awesome stuff, but the designs of the TFs are too complex so in some parts you still cant tell what is happening, but its WAY better than part one.

3.5/5

(If you don’t know about TF, then you may rate this higher, like 4/5, but I cannot see anyone giving more than that based on the horrid plotting of the first hour and the extended scenes that really needed to be trimmed.)

If you have a bluray – this may be one to buy. Good sound and music.

J-Man.

The Future is the 80's.

Future-Kill

The picture above is by HR Giger – designer of the Aliens in the Alien franchise. He’s a great artist and a lot of movies take his works for movie posters etc. Future-Kill is an example.

The guy on the cover is in the movie and he is the best and only good thing in the movie. He is played by the guy who was the hitchhiker in the real Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Anyway the story is set in the future – a very 80’s future. Where a bunch of teens dress up in glam-rock style clothing and protest nuclear technology. The guy on the poster, Splatter (his birth name?), is second in charge and has suffered first hand experience with nuclear waste. His leader a “non-violent” protestor is always trying to keep Splatter under control. A bunch of frat boys infiltrate the glam-gang in order to play a prank on them…but they find themselves head to head with Splatter. He uses this opportunity to kill his wimpy leader and blames the frat boys. So now they are on the run from the glam-gang.

Basically, it’s a lower budget version of The Warriors. But less creative stuff. Lots of running around and pointless nudity (which is stand for 80s horror). It was a fun to watch with a bunch of guys.

3/5

J-Man.

People Will Talk.

Cary Grant is a great actor. He’s funny and sincere and can be heroic and nice. And he can do it all at the same time. This movie is a tribute to him.

The story is really hard to explain. It’s more a series of events in his characters life. A slice of life picture done in black and white with no “cool” dialogue (as most of these slice of life movies are today).

He’s a good natured doctor who helps people heal. Heals them in body, mind and spirit. I don’t know what else to tell you to convince you to see this movie. It’s all very basic stuff, but done in such a wonderful way that you cant help but get pumped up!

Great movie to see and a good buy for anyone collecting the classics.

4/5

J-Man.